House is never clean enough for husband

I seriously cannot for the life of me keep my house clean. It’s an ongoing fight with my husband and I am starting to become miserable, and my husband isn’t happy either

My husband is a huge, huge neat freak. He always has been. I am not a slob, but at the same time, if things are out of place I don’t lose my shit, as long as the bathroom is clean and the kitchen is clean, if there’s a pair of shoes out of place, I don’t get bothered. So me and him are on two different pages, and his level of clean I just can’t get to, no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try. He wants everything in its spot, everything completely clean and organized.

I am a stay at home mom and my husband works from home. We had a 1 year old and a 2.5 year old. My 2.5 year old doesn’t play with toys functionally, he just throws everything. He has huge tantrums, and it generally very very hard to deal with. He likely has autism, but that’s a whole other story, and once he’s evaluated hopefully we can get him therapy but In the meantime it is what it is. He will go thru his toy box, and just throw everything around. We moved the toys and only leave a couple out, now he takes clothes out of the dresser and throws them around. We lock the bedrooms, now he goes for the DVDS in the living room. I am constantly getting frustrated with him, which I know I shouldn’t, but when my husband leaves the office, he sees the mess and goes off on me, and my anxiety is thru the roof.

I am literally cleaning all day and my husband still gets mad at me. He does help with the cleaning, but he isn’t helping, just to help, he is stomping around, slamming shit, berating me because it’s “ not fair he works all the time and I can’t hold up to my end”. I wish it wasn’t like this, I wish I could keep the house spotless but I just can’t. No matter what,Its it good enough. And to top it all off, after spending all day cleaning, I basically feel sad because I really don’t spend the time with my kids I should.

I feel like a bad mom, I can’t keep the house quiet enough while my husband works, I can’t keep it clean enough while he works. And since when he does help clean, he’s yelling at me the whole time, I tell him to take the kids to the park or for a walk, and I promise when he comes home the house will be spotless, but he says no, that I can’t do it, so he has to. I can do it, just

Not with my son trashing the house.

I got laid off last March, and we decided I would be a SAHM. about 5 months ago I decided this is not cut out for me, and I’ve been looking for a job since, but no luck. I keep praying my old job will call me back. But no.