Screwed myself for years.

I should have never stayed or even got with my SO. I've known since the beginning that he wasn't shit and because my dumb Ass always tired to see the best in people I just would let go of things and move on. I REGRET him. I hate that I feel this way because we have kids that I ADORE. I am so happy that I have these children and I am sad that I can't deal with their father anymore. I feel wrong tho and like a bad person but I just want to finally... FINALLY be happy. This relationship had taken too much out me and too much away from who I was. If I could tell you everything you would think I'm the biggest dummy in the world. Like we have honestly never even had a real "family" every holiday separate. Never celebrated an anniversary. He tells other women happy birthday but He's forgotten my birthday multiple times. Never celebrated mothers day, he's never even bought me a Christmas gift. Not a gift at all actually. He doesn't talk to me about anything buy he literally talk to do many other women. He lies about EVERYTHING. Does nothing around the house He hasn't had a job since the first year we were together. He's a burden. His mother is vile and acts like Shes 15. She talks about me and he says nothing. She blames me for his lack of communication but he hardly talks to me about anything lol he hasn't told me I'm pretty in probably 4 years but he tells every female on his Facebook lol he doesn't like any of my posts ya know lol every other female he does. Im so stupid its beyond me how stupid I am. I can't keep being stupid because I don't wanna wake up one day an old lady and think "Damn I wasted my life". I gotta stop letting everyone peer pressure me into fixing my "family" and "needing my kids to grow up with both of us in the household" Im not happy. I haven't been happy in so long. I wish I had someone here I could talk to about things but this is the only place I can be anonymous and not feel personally attacked for feeling how I feel. My dad is the only one on my side out of everyone who knows how it is. He's on me hard lately about taking care of myself and we are getting things in order so I can just move on. We are both currently looking for somewhere to move. He doesn't have any money tho or income so he's probably going home to his mother.