My mom thinks I’m crazy for wanting to try a home birth

My moms births were traumatic. She had a natural birth with my brother because for some reason the staff that night was just neglectful and she wasn’t getting an epidural until she was fully dilated and my brothers head was coming out and pushing her butt up off the bed. She wasn’t even pushing, she was contracting so hard that his head was coming out against her will pushing her off the bed as she had a needle jammed into her spine. They told her to stop moving and she was screaming “I’m SITTING ON HIS HEAD. HES COMING OUT.” And they were like “no hes not stop being dramatic.”

She was also not given pain killers until she was getting the epidural.

So she laid back after they finished the epidural and pushed his head out and pulled him out by herself, felt every bit of that and then had them clamp the cord and then she went numb and high.

Birthed him with zero pain meds and then was high as crap and numb waste down as was sitting there mad as heck because she felt ignored and belittled as if she couldn’t be trusted to know what her own body was doing as it gave unmediated natural vaginal birth essentially by itself. She felt abandoned during labor and delivery even though she had a hospital staff. She felt she did it alone and it really traumatized her. She never had another kid.

I told her today that if I ever give birth I want her and my aunt there and I want them to accept that I’m going to try to my damned hardest to deliver without pain meds.

The idea of being trapped in a bed unable to move my legs scares me to death. If I’m the type that can’t handle it that’s okay.

I’m the type to sit there, suffer, talk myself out the epidural to ask for morphine. Wait for the morphine to kick in and if it’s still like mind obliterating “I’d rather die than feel this.” Sort

Of pain I’ll do it but I am sooo scared of not being able to feel my body and not having control of it. I’d rather try the pain out first.

She laughed in my face. I talked about how women are doing this everyday, and how everyone’s pain tolerance is different and for some reason, she takes (chosen) unmediated births as insults. She’s like “oh my god. Do you want a fucking COOKIE.” To people who are like “I gave birth naturally with no interference”

Meanwhile I just seriously don’t want to experience losing control of my legs That genuinely freaks me out really bad

How do I educate my mom more about this or how do I speak to her about it