Allowed to tell FIL how we feel in his house?

Question

I really need advice here. I’m 23 and we live with my father in law to save for a house out of state soon. Probably mid next year. We have a 2 year old who was born extremely early due to unknown complications in my pregnancy (she is healthy and well) I’m pregnant again and very high risk and anything is a threat really. Well we are worried...my FIL is single and he goes out to bars, dates lots of different women and he already got COVID. Twice actually. We are worried because he is very hands on with our daughter and I’m worried about her or I catching something from him. My husband feels the same way. We don’t know how to address it because we live in his house but at the same time we feel like do we get to have a say? Our kids? We hate that he kisses our daughter on her face near her lips and we’ve told him but he just laughs and says he’s her grandpa. That’s just one thing he does we don’t agree with. There are many more.  
We don’t know what to do or say and he does get in the way of our parenting. 
Don’t know if this is important but he’s young 39 years old so we know he’s capable of understanding us. We think everyone gets offended no matter what we do/say. 
Please anyone advice? We are lost here.

Answer

I would def move out.  You’re married with 2 kids.  You need your own space. You can still save if you get a modest apartment until you have money to buy a home.

Answer

It’s his house, but thats your child. He doesn’t get to do whatever with your child just because you’re under his roof. Put your foot down mama, he’s had covid TWICE. Stress the fact that it isn’t personal !

Answer

You certainly can tell him how you feel. You can save for a house while paying rent somewhere else if his lifestyle is that much of a concern to you. This is what it's like to have a roommate, whether you're paying him to live there or not, you don't get to dictate how someone lives. You can ask anything of him but that doesn't mean he has to comply. Now, whether you live there or not, you can tell him not to kiss your daughter. If he doesn't listen, move out.

Answer

His house his rules. Move out then set restrictions.

Answer

You need to find a different place. You can't control how he acts in his own home

Answer

Why do you think you can dictate that to him in his own home as if he is your child? Move out and do what you need to do if your that worried. So not your place as a guest in his home. Make rules in your own home

Answer

You can try. But ultimately, it’s his home. If he can’t be courteous to your concerns regarding his grandchildren, then you are better off renting an apartment.

Answer

When I had my first I moved in with my in-laws and it was okay at first then 5 more family members moved in. My SIL and her two kids and my BIL and his wife. I was miserable after that. I stayed in the hospital as long as I could and cried on the way home. It wasn’t worth saving money. Looking back my husband and I wish we would have just got an apartment but we didn’t know everyone would be moving in while he was deployed.

Answer

To an extent its his house his rules but to be honest if any family member of mine was continually going out and catching covid I would be telling them to be more careful regardless or whether I lived with them or not. So i would try to seriously talk with him but ultimately its his choice and you would need to move out if he wont change and you cant tolerate it.

Answer

His house but your child. Given it is is house I don’t think you can stop him from going out, etc (though I think a lot of grandparents would hopefully take the health of their grandchildren seriously to be mindful of this). But I definitely think your SO can tell him that he can’t kiss your child given the current situation. Is it possible to move out given you have another baby on the way? That would allow your FIL to do what he wants but help you to put more protection/boundaries in for your kids.

Allowed to tell FIL how we feel in his house?

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