Needed to vent

Today I had an appointment to be scheduled to have an abortion. Since I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend has been saying "we had to get rid of that shit" or "do you want to be a single mother again?"

And so many other things, to the point I let him convince me this was the right idea.

Fast foward to this morning. We got lost coming here and he kept offending me telling me I am so stupid and went to school for no reason since I can't use my brain, etc. Once we finally checked it he kept complaining he has to work to which I responded I also have to be home at 11, my daughter has the in home teacher coming this morning. He shouted " I do not give a fuck about her. Get rid of that shit (my pregnancy) and I never want to see you again"

That's when it all sank in. All my life I have been an independent woman and barely went out since I had my now 3 yr old. My ex, my daughters father constantly told me "who's going to want you? A single mother who lost her figure?!!" The fear of ending up alone caused me to accept the first man who gave me so much attention. I didn't realize how low I had settled until today that he screamed he didn't give a fuck about my daughter and how he was just being nice until I terminated my pregnant then he was going to be gone.

As I am in the waiting room I have come to realized this guy has done absolutely nothing for me. He is not romantic or sweet to me, and constantly says my daughter is annoying. It took all of this to finally open my eyes and realize I deserve better. My daughter deserves better. I can't ever forgive myself for letting a man constantly complain about my child over and over again.

I dont have anybody to tell this to. I am to embarrassed to vent to my friends. Everybody told me to leave him and I didn't listen. I told him I never want to see him again. I hope God helps me heal and give me more clarity on why I am always settling for so little...