My child is acting out and I need advise

My daughter is seven and she has been acting out in school, refusing to do her schoolwork, not listening to anything me, my husband, or her teacher say, she acts out when we go places, disciplining is not working. We even have her going to counseling to make sure she’s not acting out because something could be bothering her. We’ve tried grounding her from electronics, making her do chores, we’ve even tried to do the rewarding form of disciplining.. like if she does this good, she can go swimming, or to her art classes we signed her up for(she loves art and is very creative), going to the park, etc., but LITERALLY nothing is working. Today, while she was at school, I stripped her bedroom of all toys, electronics, and fun stuff. There’s only a bed and dressers in there now. Well, she tried sneaking toys into her room twice. So, I made her sit on the couch beside me. Then, I sent her to her bedroom while I was cooking dinner. Next thing I know, she’s up there doing flips on her bed, so I took a kitchen chair, stuck it in the corner and told her to sit there and to not move until I say its time to eat, she starts kicking the wall, moving around and just not listening to the simple instructions I gave her. So, I made her stand up with her back against the wall and hold a 3 pound bottle of bubbles out in front of her, parallel to the ground. After 30 seconds she started crying and saying she couldn’t do it. I made her continue to do it while I explained to her, “If you cannot listen to anything that someone says to you, you continue to be disrespectful, hit people, tell adults no, refuse to do your schoolwork, clap in your teachers face, lie, and sneak around, you will go to military school and they will make you do this all day!” Then I told her to start behaving and to come eat. She immediately stopped crying when I made her put the bubbles down. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I dont want her to grow up to be a heathen. Her behavior is affecting her grades in school and she’s too smart and has TOO MUCH potential to be failing in the first grade! I feel like I went overboard with the bubbles and now I’m second guessing my parenting. Like is that child abuse?? What else do I do?? Her father and I have exhausted all of our options as far as rewarding/disciplining. She tells us that she acts out in school because it’s boring.. I understand it’s a huge transition from kindergarten with playtime/naptime, and it’s not as extensive as first grade, but NOBODY else in her class behaves this way. She gives attitude towards everyone who tells her to do something that she doesn’t want to do and she even told her sister that she ignores her teacher on purpose because she thinks she’ll go away if she keeps ignoring her and she’s also told her that if she doesn’t want to do work, she just won’t do it. I feel like she’s a 17 year old in a 7 year olds body. Can someone please give me some advise?

Edit***

Lynn- I appreciate your reply, however, she is in therapy. The kitchen chair was in the kitchen while I was cooking, not in her bedroom. For 5 minutes, she couldn’t sit there without throwing a fit. Her jumping around and not following simple instructions is what’s getting her in trouble in school. She literally got sent home with a note from the teacher today stating that she was standing on her chair during class and jumping up and throwing her body against the wall. I think it would be okay for me to expect her to follow a simple instruction of—Sit, don’t move for a few minutes while I’m making your dinner plate. Kids are in school all day and they are expected to do this, so why are my expectations for 5 minutes too high? And why should I allow her to be flipping around and doing acrobats on her bed? This kind of stuff is what got her grounded in the first place. I understand she’s a kid, but at what point is that no longer an excuse? And at what point do people start blaming our parenting for how she’s acting? She still needs to accept some accountability for her actions. I cannot force her to behave in school, I’m not there.. and even if I were, she does not listen to me. I just feel like everything we do is a lose/lose situation.

Edit 2**

She has been evaluated for ADHD/ADD.. she didn’t meet the criteria for hyperactive and she barely met the criteria for ADD. You have to score a six or higher and she scored a six. Therapist does not want to look into medication because she barely met the criteria and I’m starting to suspect it may be ODD, which we will speak about at her next session. Her teacher does not offer my daughter those things because it becomes more of a distraction for her and the class. As far as being tested for being gifted, we have considered this already and I was really persistent with looking into it the fact that I thought she needed to be challenged more.. however, that is not the case. Jenn, I have not just decided to start being harsh or cruel to my daughter. This discipline has evolved over time. Her behavior has been like this for 2 years and I thought it was a phase, but it’s only gotten worse. Now her behavior in school has become worse and it’s affecting her grades. Her father and I have even went as far as to have an EEG performed to make sure there were no abnormalities with her brain because her pediatrician suggested absence seizures because my daughter was (purposely) ignoring people and we just thought she was spacing out. Like, I’m telling y’all, we have tried EVERYTHING. And it wasn’t just out of the blue that we started to crack down on the discipline.. it’s been two years! Two years of this behavior, that has only escalated. I really don’t need mom-shamed right now. I need some advise because I do not feel there is anything left I can do. She is not “just a kid being a kid.” She does most of these things vindictively or out of anger. Did I mention she mumbled, “stupid bitch” under breath to me one day while I was brushing her hair for school? For no other reason than I was getting her ready for school. 🙄 I need a Supernanny 😭I’m just having a hard time learning how to parent a child with behavioral issues.