Baby Self Soothing or Neglect?

Question

I have several friends who don’t believe in self soothing whereas I do! I think babies need to be able to calm themselves and not solely rely on their momma or dad to calm them. If they did, how would we get things completed throughout the day? How will they learn to play by themselves? 
Please comment your opinion on self soothing or not!

Accepted Answer

Well a baby can’t self sooth until at least six months of age so anything before that yes I would consider parental neglect. If the baby only “soothes” themselves because they have cried so long they can’t anymore, I would not consider that a healthy type of self soothing mechanism.

Answer

I dont believe in letting a baby cry it out. If they're fussy then I think seeing if putting them down with no stimulation to see if maybe they're overstimulated is a good thing, but a crying baby in the very least needs to feel safe in my opinion. They're only little and fully reliant on us for a short time and it goes too fast. I personally soak up all the snuggles I can.

Answer

When my son was little I didn’t respond to every whine, if that’s what you mean. Say I was doing dishes and he was in his swing or bouncer seat. If he started fussing, I would still finish what I was doing, then tend to him. Now actually crying and needing me? I responded. Same for sleep (after he dropped night feedings). If he woke up and was just whining trying to figure out how to go back to sleep, I would wait a few minutes before seeing if he actually needed me to help him. 
I don’t see any of that neglectful but I’m sure some disagree with me. But my son is a very independent little guy, so maybe I just got lucky but I wouldn’t have done anything different.

Answer

I mean it totally depends on age, length of time, what coping skills the parent has taught them, the reason they are upset to begin with...

Answer

Babies cry because it is their only way of communicating with us. If they are crying something is wrong. They cannot SS until much older. Even as an adult I have times where I need my friends/spouse/family to help me process whatever is wrong. 
Babies have literally never been alone. Always in you belly, listening to you talk. Safe. The new world is big and scary. I can’t imagine leaving my child to SS. I am always there even if they just need cuddles.

Answer

Depends on the baby’s age and needs. If you’re ignoring them in pain/hungry/tired/wet/ cold/hot or younger than 4 months, then yes neglect. If the baby is completely taken care of and 4-6 months old or older then self soothe can be okay if done right...

Answer

There have been studies that the stress hormone doesn’t go down. They just learn that crying doesn’t work. They’re still just as stressed though. But it depends also on the age. The act of self soothing depends on being able to regulate emotions. And babies simply can’t do that. Toddlers can’t really do it either.

Answer

I can understand “crying it out” but only for a few minutes. I always listened to my kids, they might cry out once and go right to sleep. Or they’ll cry for 1-2 minutes and usually I can tell by the cry whether they are going to go to sleep or they need me. I never let them cry for more than I’d say 10 min. They have both learned to self soothe (thumb suckers lol)

Answer

Totally depends on age. Newborns do not have the ability to self soothe as older babies can.

Answer

I believe in a balance. I don't think you need to jump in at the moment baby whines. But for the first months of life, babies don't just cry for attention, if that's what you are worried about. They cry because they NEED something.
Additionally, young children learn to self sooth by being soothed by parents. It seems counterintuitive, but a baby must have help to sooth at first and it is through your techniques that they learn to themselves. 
If you are worried about getting things done I highly suggest a boba wrap/baby wearing. That allows you the hands-free solution to soothing your baby when they need help to calm themselves.

Baby Self Soothing or Neglect?

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