Rainbow baby

I had a miscarriage 2 years ago at 6 weeks, at that time i was dating an asshole who pushed me while i was pregnant, this pregnancy is to a different guy who’s amazing we are engaged, he’s so excited & i just wish i was..I’m now 22 weeks & still feel so nervous about everything does this ever go away. I feel like I can’t be excited or buy baby stuff because “ something can still go wrong” all my ultrasounds have been good he’s actually measuring a week ahead I get another ultrasound Tuesday hopeful he is turned for a good spine shot just feels like something I don’t really process of being real or something actually happening, I hope I’m making sense.