2nd baby????

Question

We’ve always talked about wanting to have kids close in age. My son just turned one. My husband is a great father, now. 
But the first few months, it just didn’t seem like he was interested. We had to get into a huge fight and me to (low blow) ask him if we should start calling him uncle bc he wasn’t around. That got him in gear and he’s been great since. Also he was pretty unsupportive to me during pregnancy. Not abusive or anything just didn’t care. Would force me to stay out at a bar when I didn’t want to even go. 
Another time, It was my best friends birthday. Everyone was drinking and doing drugs and I just didn’t feel comfortable after the sun went down. He told me I could just leave and he’d Uber back. 
I had pneumonia at 7 months and his friend had died and the family was creating him but wanted to do a service the day after thanksgiving out of state. 
He left me alone, with no car, pregnant with pneumonia.
My question is I’m so scared to get pregnant again and feel so alone again. I feel like he’s better but what happens if he goes back and now I’m alone with two littles?
Idk what to do anyone with advice or similar situations? 
Please help.

Answer

You need to talk to him about how you feel about your experience during pregnancy. Try to be non-confrontational about it, and focus on how you felt and what would need to be different for you to do it again. The outcome you want is not an argument. You want an honest conversation about both of your needs that will help you figure out if you’re ready for a 2nd. You may need to be extremely clear about what is and is not appropriate behavior and what support looks like should you decide to get pregnant again.
I will also point out that for me, being pregnant and chasing after a toddler has been really tough and I needed a lot more help than I thought I would. The first trimester I was so exhausted and nauseous I could barely function, so husband had to step up a lot. I’m now almost 34 weeks and again we’re in a position where my husband has to do a lot more. I am huge, and just picking up my almost 2 year old is taxing at best. Back and hip pain, heart burn, constant Braxton Hicks, insomnia, the list goes on. 
I’m saying this not to scare you, but to point out that the 2nd is a lot different from the first and support from your partner is probably even more important.

Answer

Sounds a lot like my husband. He is better now but it was difficult in the beginning.  I decided to have another baby for my son...I really didn't want him to be an only child and plus when I really thought about it I knew I wasn't done with babies.  Now that I am pregnant again my husband is different from when I was pregnant with my first.  With my first he almost seemed uninterested and not attached at all (to the baby/pregnancy) but I think it was mostly because it was new to him.  Now that he's had a kid he knows what it means to be pregnant and he's a lot more interested and concerned and actually wants to go to ultrasounds this time around.  So I can only hope by these changes that he will be there more for me when the next baby is born (which he's admitted before that he should have done with our first).  So my long winded point is that it could be possible your husband will step up more this time around HOWEVER I think its a very important conversation yall should have prior to trying to conceive.

2nd baby????

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