I am not coping.

My period is due to start Monday, I am not even holding my breath that this will be my month. We have been TTC for three months shy of four years. The most we've accomplished is one miscarriage two years ago... I only knew I was pregnant for two days before my HCG levels dropped to zero.

The next step is investigative surgery which I cannot afford... The surgery alone is more expensive than the <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> but the doctor won't consider it without knowing what's happening on the inside....

I feel defeated. I feel useless. I feel like it's not meant to be.

The worst part is I didn't even want kids. I never wanted them. My husband's mind changed that as he got older, he wanted them and the longer we spoke about it, the more my mind changed too.

Damn him.