Thanks for the chlamydia and PTSD

I am really damn proud of myself.

I am really stupid and moved a guy in after being with him for only a few weeks. True colors started showing after that. I posted on here before sharing about him but it’s worth the read at least to me.

I moved him in. Right after I go to my annual OB appointment and test positive for chlamydia.

He got mad at ME, for telling him that HE gave ME chlamydia. That’s the first time I should have dumped him but I didn’t, I think I feared being alone. Now I don’t. Anyways, I got treated and waited WEEKS for him to get treated. We abstained from sex that entire time and I end up having to find out what that treatment for men and women is the same and I gave him 1000mg of azithromycin and then we waited 2 weeks to have sex again. Haven’t had sex since then though and I have an appointment coming up to make sure it’s all gone although I’m pretty positive that it is.

Here’s the big one. One night he took off, went to the bar. He did not tell me where he was going and did not come back until the next night. He did not call or communicate anything. He says he didn’t because he lost his phone. Right, but the thing is he went to the bar with my BROTHER Who I ended up calling and he actually answered my brothers phone but was too drunk to remember that. My brother posted pictures with him and a girl there. Thanks bro. Thanks a lot.

Anyways so this pisses me the fuck off. I packed his stuff. He comes home and absolutely LOSES his mind, falls into the floor, has a panic attack it seemed, and then told me I’m just like everyone else in his life that has kicked him out because EVERYONE has kicked him out. He freaked out so bad it terrified me. He also threatened suicide heavily. So I let him stay.

I made a boundary that this was not acceptable and that if he did it again I was done. He didn’t do it again. Things actually got better for like 2 seconds and one day he came home after work and I greeted him and he said “get the fuck away from me. I had a bad day.” And treated me horribly, I couldn’t even walk into my own living room without being asked “what the fuck do you want.”

But then his friend showed up and he made all the effort to be kind to him. The lack of effort to treat me with human decency when he clearly had the ability to, was HURTFUL. So I sat down and told him that sincerely and calmly. It just ended up with me being berated, being told I’m “psychotic.” And making things up.

My give a shit meter is like on low at this point. He continues to talk to me like complete shit, even yelling at me for things that weren’t my fault at all and if I spoke out of a kind tone with him, he’d start freaking out telling me that I’m screaming at him over nothing and then sit there and say “I never screamed at you or talked to you bad. YOU DID this.

This shit was making me doubt my own sanity. I felt like I was losing my mind and the longer I put up with it, I was losing MYSELF.

I was betraying myself by staying with this man and letting myself get treated like this. I have never been someone who puts up with this and have no idea why I started to. This man made me question my worth and value as a human being. He would literally say to me “i don’t know how anyone could love you.”

If I dare defend myself, I was the devil. I especially couldn’t match his level of shit, then I was a toxic and abusive devil.

I told him I was done being treated like that, no more. And he brought up the bar, and how he stands that he did NOTHING wrong that night and the ONLY reason he apologized for doing it is because I wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. He said i was WRONG And HORRIBLE for trying to throw him out and not only did I do him wrong, he no longer knew if he could ever love me and didn’t know if he was wanted to be with me. I’m like, oh fuckin kay. He then proceeded to do it again.

Said he needed space, I didn’t talk to him for 3 days. And then tonight I kicked him out of my house. I chose to do it while he had a friend here but I only felt safe doing it, if this guy was here.

If I had kicked him out by myself here he wouldn’t have left.

So it started again with the “you’re just like everyone else who has ever kicked me out.” Blah blah.

I went into my bedroom and walked away. He then started with “you’re the worst fucking mistake I have ever made in my life and I can’t fucking stand you, you stupid fucking bitch.”

So I said “I’m not going to be talked to like this in my own house.” And he said “YOURE NOT MY MOTHER AND CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO.” And I was like “what I can do, is tell you to get THE FUCK out of MY house. GET OUT.” and he kept packing and cussing me out going on about how I’m “just like” blah blah.

I stood there and asked “have you EVER wondered why every single person in your entire life has kicked you out? Have you ever wondered what YOU might have done for EVERY SINGLE PERSON to kick you out?” “NO because they’re ALL STUPID PIECES OF SHIT JUST LIKE YOU!”

I told him to get a therapist. Like dude get a therapist and learn what self reflection is. My god.

I actually told him he did not have to leave tonight which y’all will probably hate me for but I do care about his dog that he has NO PLACE to take at all. I said if you can just calm down, you can stay. He couldn’t do that though and continued to cuss and scream.

I also am actually scared he might kill himself as well but there’s nothing I can do about that. He “doesn’t believe.” In getting help I guess just like he doesn’t believe in getting his STI cured.

This dude really needs help but I am not “help” I can’t help him. I also can’t let someone manipulate me with their mental health as a way to make me stay in a toxic relationship with them.

Anyways so this was hard. Sitting here and being told I’m an awful piece of shit and that nobody will ever want me and that he doesn’t see how anyone ever would, being called a bunch of names by this person I actually loved, shit was awful.

The last thing he said to me was “thanks for nothing you stupid fucking bitch. I fucking hate you.”

I should have said “thanks for the PTSD and chlamydia. Have a nice night.” But I didn’t lmfao. All I could think was “please shut the door now.”

When he was finally gone I sobbed to my friend on the phone about how horrible all of that was, how it made me feel horrible. But I’m glad I did it. I’m so glad I had the strength to do it. I’m SO, VERY proud of myself.

Hi, I’m a human being that deserves basic respect and human decency from my intimate partners especially and having that standard and not backing down from it does not make me psychotic or evil. It makes me sane. I deserve nothing less and will no longer accept nothing less.

May I flourish

Oh the STI thing. Yeah that was fucking gross. I never had symptoms, but I felt horrible and disgusting just knowing I had it. I go back until I test clear and I will go back EVERY SINGLE TIME and this man wouldn’t even go to one doctors appointment and all he has to go is go pee at a cup in an urgent care. It was unbelievable to me.

I know I need to date on my level or better, I guess I just now started seeing myself clearly.

Hey y’all. I can promise you guys ONE thing.

This man, HE WILL NEVER COME BACK INTO MY HOUSE.

EVER. I’m DONE, I had an awakening about what I deserve. If I can promise one thing as one random anonymous human to other random anonymous humans, is that THIS MAN AINT EVER ALLOWED BACK

I am so ashamed that I let any of this happen

OH HERES ANOTHER THING HE DID.

I guess while I was in my room while he was having a Bitch fit about being kicked out HE PISSED IN A CUP AND LEFT IT ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER

like do I need to repeat that I’m sooooo fucking dooooone with this PSYCHOPATH

Update: he showed up to my house and busted my locked door in and came in and threatened me. I almost had to get the police involved because he refused to leave but luckily my mom and brother came and got him out. My door is being fixed and my locks are changed tonight, and I was given means to protect myself because um he broke into my fucking house and threatened me and if it weren’t for my mom and brother showing up hell already raised he was SO close to putting his hands on me.

I talked to the police and because he hasn’t straight out said that he’s going to physically harm me, they can’t do shit.

I have never felt more unsafe in my life.