Facing toddlerhood - overwhelmed & asking for help

Over the last 48 hours my 15m old baby has basically become a stroppy toddler and I’m not sure how to handle it.

I know we all get moments of feeling overwhelmed in our journey through motherhood. I’m having my moment.

One week ago she was in this lovely sweet spot of being able to walk, saying more words, getting more social... then BOOM. She’s throwing things around, thumping, deliberately choosing the opposite of whatever I’m suggesting, she’s basically destructive with everything she touches. The change has been so sudden it has knocked me for six.

Knowing that this is normal behaviour, at her age anyway, doesn’t seem to be making it any better for me. I’ve had to walk away from her a few times today (always leaving her somewhere safe) just to take a moment not to completely break down. I’ve been so emotional all day, my voice has cracked several times when talking to her, and I even drank a glass of wine at lunchtime - something I haven’t done in years.

It’s only been a few days of this but I’m obviously woefully underprepared for this. I’m definitely having my moment.

I’m finding it particularly hard because her toddler behaviour is exposing some of the worst parts of my own behaviour (in the extreme). I don’t process emotions well either. In essence, I feel like this is the universe’s way of forcing me to learn these emotional skills as well. Her toddler tantrums are bringing so many unresolved traumas to the surface right now I don’t know how to handle any of it. Myself, let alone her.

And it’s all coming at a crunch point in my marriage, too. I’m scared of/resistant to changing myself because of aforementioned traumas, tension in my marriage, but also realising that I probably have little choice. I’m resenting the whole situation, which sucks because I’m usually a great mother. She’s still home with me full time.

I guess I’m posting this because I need help. A hug, handhold, or someone to point me to a great resource that can help me with all this emotional mess her toddlerhood is kicking up. I like reading ebooks when she takes a nap...

Thank you for reading 💐