Am i wrong for being mad about this?

Question

My fiance has 2 daughters.  Due to circumstances before I came along his sister had temporary custody of them the youngest since she was 6 months old and the oldest at 4. The dad now has full custody but pays his sister to keep them during the week so the oldest can stay in same school.  The other day she had graduation pictures made and posted them on facebook and never even tagged me in them but tagged the dad and her husband and her own daughter in them.  Then I was told today that the oldest daughter is having kindergarten graduation but only 2 people can go so his sister and him are going and I can just live stream it.  I'm very hurt by this because she doesn't tell me anything about the girls but can send her dad pictures during the week of the girls.  At the oldests B-Day party few weeks ago she took pictures and none of the pictures with me in it where posted and she knows I have facebook.  Me and my fiance have the girls during weekend and really it's more like I have them alone because the dad hangs out next door or has something else to do.  And I feel I have the right to be included in stuff about the girls as well.  Am i wrong for being pissed about this?

Accepted Answer

This is weird. You're jealous because you and your fiance are part time parents and another part time parent posts stuff on social media. Social media isn't even real. I'm sorry, but the sister raises the children during the week and you think you should go to her graduation over the sister? Are you confused about your role? Do you know what it is to be a parent? It's not all pictures of fun activities. Every family lives differently. If this is the chosen way, fine. If you want to be included, include yourself. Ask for updates. Don't expect people to come chasing after you just because they communicate with your fiance. I really think you need to re-evaluate why you're so bothered about photos. Just tag yourself. Problem solved.

Answer

They aren't your kids tho? So I don't think you have a right to be upset

Answer

If I raised a niece or a nephew I’d certainly want to be involved in the milestones. It would make more sense for the two of them to do something like that together rather than the two of you. If she was the babies mother, would you still feel this same way?

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I mean that's his family and to them you're not the mother you're the fiance you're replaceable. They probably don't want pictures of you because if anything happens look back in life. A lot of people can be better about these kinds of things it really just seems like they don't see you in a mother role.

Answer

I mean, you can’t control your emotions, but you can control how you react to them. 
This is a silly thing to get upset about. They’re not your kids and they probably “hers” well before you came along. Just let them do what they want on social media.

Answer

She’s stepped up and is raising those kids more than you or your fiancé. Bravo her to her. She can do whatever she likes as far as I’m concerned

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She probably feels like so far she’s basically coparented with him which she has. I’d give it time after you guys are actually married to become more integrated into the family like that before getting offended.

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How long have yall been together? And parents and immediate family have first dibs all the time. You can ask if u can be included but it may take time. I understand that its hurtful cuz u spend time with the kids but it could change as time goes on. I feel like we're missing something. Do yall get along? Do u and your husband fight alot? Because that could be some. If reasons why they are not including u. Take a step back and look objectively at the situation.

Answer

I agree that his sister seems like more of a parent to the girl then you and your fiancé. She did raise them when her brother couldn’t or wouldn’t and it sounds like she’s still doing the majority of raising them now. She should absolutely be at any major events or milestones in the girls lives. I also have a big issue with other ppl step over boundaries set in place by the parents but again she seem like she assumes majority of the parenting roll in their lives. Until you and your fiancé take on more responsibility raising them i don’t think you have a right to feel she should be pushed aside and you so go in her place. She’s still doing most of the work, taking care of two children 5 days a week is pretty much being their mom and I’m sure that’s how they see her. You should take the children’s feelings into consideration bc I’m sure they would be looking for her to be there as they’re with her everyday. They may be young but I’m sure by this point they look at her like a mother. If there where more tickets and you weren’t included them I would say you have a right to be angry at that. Also I wouldn’t care anything about social media and photos. When your with the girls you can do your own activities and take photos and not tag her in them if you feel social media is that important in your life.

Answer

...and during the summer I have them all week or the sister will purposefully plan stuff so we can't get the girls that weekend and so she can post stuff she does with the girls.  And everyone in the family thinks she is this awesome person and me and my fiance don't get credit for anything.

Am i wrong for being mad about this?

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