Paranoid pregnant lady - updated

After losing seven babies I have become the paranoid pregnant lady. I should have given up years ago, but I just can’t. I’ve tried and I can’t. Eventually one will stick and live, right?

I am 10 weeks and 5 days. On Thursday (10 weeks 3days) I found baby’s heartbeat so easy with my doppler. He was just right there as soon as I put the wand on my belly. The very next day I could not find him. I have tried every day since then and nothing. Maybe he’s just repositioned down low or moved to the back, but I don’t believe that. I feel in the pit of my stomach that he is gone.

I have a private ultrasound tomorrow evening so I guess I’ll know from sure then. I swear if he’s gone I quit. I will rip my organs out with my bare hands. My sanity can not handle another loss.

UPDATE: You guys are the best. Thank you so much for the positive thoughts and support. This morning my partner and I had a stern talk with this baby and it must have worked because we found his heartbeat no problem. This child may end up being the death of me.

UPDATE 2: The ultrasound was amazing last night. Baby cooperated fully. Heart rate 171. Baby was showing us all his best king fu moves. He’s measuring 11 weeks 4 days, but at the time I was 10 weeks 6 days. I have an OB appointment today so maybe that will help quiet my fears for a couple weeks.