To quit or not to quit.. (Long post)

My baby is 3 months now. Since we came home from the hospital nursing just did not work for us which resorted to me pumping. I still try to this day every now and then to nurse her and it doesn’t work and frankly I’m not interested in nursing her. Bottles are easier for us since I enjoy my S/O being able to feed her so I get a break. But lately I have been feeling so back and forth. I returned to work and pumping at work is such a hassle. Getting a routine with it since I have to deal with life happening, maybe working late, feeding late, hanging out with family, getting groceries, etc. and I can’t always pump the same time every day which results in some days me not making enough for the next days bottles. When that happens I feel like a total failure and stressed that I’m doing it wrong and I’m gonna lose my supply. But the weird thing is, I don’t want to drink those supplement drinks or eat the foods they recommend to boost supply. I don’t like my breasts being huge and not being able to fit in normal bras. I hate how I leak all the time. How I can’t be free anymore I’m always in a nursing bra, always tied to a machine or a hand pump having to be hunched over just waiting for it to be over with. I hate pumping.. but I feel such guilt thinking about quitting. I’m only wanting to quit for selfish reasons, moms out there would love to have the supply I have, some don’t produce any milk, it’s FREE, it has nutritional value.. how dare I quit so early.. I can make it to 6 months.. a year? I’m so miserable though, I can’t go out and about for more than 3 hours bc then I leak and I get full and uncomfortable, have to go pump again! Can’t enjoy a weekend out with family, I have to confide myself to a room alone, to pump. I can’t drink alcohol (I don’t drink much anyway) but I want to have a date night at a bar, and enjoy myself. I mention my concerns to my friend who has breastfed for 18 months. She says I can keep doing it, try harder to nurse, I’ve got it!! My mom says just switch her, who cares, then she can eat cereal! ( I’ve told her many times no cereal for awhile, older generations are so stuck on that?!) I tell my S/O he says do what makes me happy. I just feel stuck. I’m not happy pumping I’m not happy about quitting. How do you get past this mom guilt..? People don’t get it and don’t understand that I really am struggling with this new life of mine.