How to feel after a transfer/loss

So my first fresh transfer ended in a chemical in April. I miscarried after my first beta with a 4BB embryo. I was absolutely torn up from it since it was our first positive ever. It was probably the worst time period of my life.

Now, I am doing a FET Tuesday with a 3BB and 4CC (before thaw). But I am now feeling completely different this time. I feel so distant and numb. My plan this time is to tell no one and act like nothing happened.

If anyone has went through loss, did you also feel this way after trying again? I feel guilty that I don’t as high of hopes this time.