I don't want to feel this way anymore

Hey ladies and gents. I have known this for a long time but I didn't know what to do or how to go about it and I need help, advice, etc. About 2 years ago (maybe more, maybe less), I started to not love myslef anymore. I was in high school and I met this guy and ling story short he just used me for pictures in the end. Well then I have met my boyfriend of 1 year and almost 4 months and I wasn't comowltey torn down yet, honestly I was still pretty confident with myself. Well he started talking to a girl that I had found out about and lied about how much he talked to her, he swears there was never anything going on as finally 6 months later he blocked her and removed her from everything. He use to follow nude accounts on insta and there was just a lot of trust issues and I wanted to be this girl so maybe he'd talk to me instead of push me away. He wished I had a bigger breast size and so then I wished I had bigger breasts and even to this day I wish I did. My mother and his calls me names such as whore, slut, hoe, bitch, etc. And his mother purposely goes out of her way to harass and torture me. So I have 2 mothers agasint me. And because my boyfriend is so stressed with our relationship and other things in his life, he doesn't really talk nor seem to care about the intamcy in our relationship. So I just feel like everywhere I turn I'm not loved and I've just completely lost self love for myself I think. As I'm still in high school and id rather my parents not know, I can't get a therapist. What are some things I can do to help myself and the people around me? I don't want to keep pressing my boyfriend about my own problems. I want to love myself again.