Questions for other rape/SA survivors?

Question

Trigger warning.
It has been 8 years since I was sexually assaulted and nearly raped and 10 years since the first time I was sexually assaulted. It was the first sexual experience I ever had and I still struggle with ptsd regularly. I’m getting better, but it has been a hard and slow process, especially because I didn’t realize the first time was sexual assault until around 5 years after since I was just a little kid when it happened. 
Well I wanted to know how you feel when you hear about other stories? I’m usually fine, but there are days where it weighs me down and I’m left feeling sad and stuck in my own head for the rest of the day. It’s so hard to shake and I just feel like shutting down on those days. 
I also want to know how you feel about sex or anything sexual during a bad day? I’ve noticed it makes me sad and like less of a person when I’m viewed in a sexual manner, even if I was a willing participant just before I was struck with one of my bad days. I then pull away from that person and I hate that because they did nothing wrong. 
Do you let yourself feel your bad days and cry it out? What gets you through a bad day and what keeps you from pushing others away?

Answer

I was drugged and sexually assaulted by someone I knew and trusted at 19 - the drugs make the assault not as vivid but it’s still there- therapy has helped- and I also never leave my drink unattended and do not put myself in situations where im alone with another man like that-and men that I date I look for someone who could protect me/make me feel safe

Answer

In 2015, l was a college freshmen and had just turned 19. For almost an hour, l was abducted, sexually assaulted, and seconds away from being raped (my roommate walked in right on time) by a friend (at the time) l ran track with. I’m now 25 and when l hear other people’s stories, l still find myself in my old college dorm room by myself, frightened, and trying to think of my next move to escape. I always try to be strong, but l always cry and l allow myself to. When l hear or see it on TV whether it’s the news, a show, or movie, l get the same feeling so l usually turn or find something that comforts me.

Answer

I feel you sis... these are really hard things to move past and it can affect your life so much even years later. I also have a history from childhood straight up to adulthood of sexual abuse and rape. I'm honestly not sure how I handle it, but I think I have done a good job healing and feeling okay. I'm 30 now and in a lovely relationship with a very healthy sex life. I just meditate a lot and do lots of yoga, do guided mediations to enter the sacred heart space, do fetus in the womb meditations, self love affirmations on repeat, and I do a lot in the nonprofit sector to try to prevent other children being abused. I always looked at it like this: everyone has pain in life, my specific pain can help me relate to people who have been through this too, and maybe it can help me help them one day since I know what they are feeling. I'm still thinking I want to try craniosacral healing and reiki to heal those pains that were stored up in my body from not dealing with the emotions. I think if you look up Schwartz and his book/videos about Your Soul's Plan, it can help you if you believe in that kind of thing. There are soooo many tools and I just keep seeing what tools I can add to my utility belt so I can just use it any time I need. 
I hope you find your healing. Message me if you need to talk. 💕

Questions for other rape/SA survivors?

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