How to Make Myself Like Anal

TW: R*pe

To sum it up, when I was ten years old, I was anally r*ped by a family friend. While I was sleeping, he came into my bedroom and inserted his dick into my ass. It was extremely painful, I felt betrayed, and it traumatized me for a very long time. For the past year, I have been trying to force myself into liking anal though. Not necessarily for myself (due to trauma and just not being into the concept of anal sex, not a turn on for me) but because I know majority of guys want it. I am a sub so I desire to please, and I feel that if I don’t give a guy what he needs in a relationship, he will resent me and get it elsewhere and hate me for not liking anal. Because I don’t want someone to regret me, I have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no. Recently I have tried to do anal masturbation (up to four fingers in), and it just never feels good to me regardless of how much lube I use. I often sometimes cry as well because I have flashbacks of my past trauma.

So my question to you guys is how do I make myself like anal? How do I get over this hump to be the perfect partner/woman? All advice is appreciated Thank you.