Who is in the wrong

Question

I am an RN in hospice. Been working days, nights, weekends, call. I am burnt out. I have 2 small kids at home and a husband. My husband knows I've been trying to find a different job because how burnt out I am. Today especially sucked. I started at 6 am and got home at 9pm, exhausted and I'm still on call until 8am then work tomorrow all day too. As soon as I got home my husband asked to go to the bar by his work buddies. I told him it really upsets me he even asks because I had a rough day and would like some down time with him and to actually vent my day and spend time with him but if he wants to go...go...AND HE WENT.

Answer

If you're on call tonight he shouldn't be leaving the house. Especially to go drinking at the bar. What if you get called in? Now he's at the bar drunk and having to find a way home to be with the kids. Nope. Not in my house. You can wait until I'm not on call to be doing that.

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Men are direct dont say what u dont mean.

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i’d be mad but also holy shit healthcare workers are superhero’s

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My husband is notorious for not knowing how to read between the lines. I have come to realize that subtle hints simply do not get through. If I want him to help, I need to spell it out. If I need extra attention, I truly have to walk up to him and tell him I am needing extra attention that day, and he will always oblige. I think by you saying “well I wanted to hang out but if you want to go, then go” it gave him the opening to leave. It’s okay to be more direct with him next time! :)

Answer

I’d be annoyed but I would have just said I wanted time with him so don’t go. If he still went I’d be super pissed. See if you can take a short loa even if it’s a week.

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I mean, you told him to go. Men don't always read the undertones.

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It really isn't his fault for not playing mind games with the "if you wanna go then go" thing. You can't be that immature in a relationship, use your words, state what you want in a clear and healthy manner. Period. No need to give fake alternatives and then get upset when they take the bait. It seems like deep down you wanted a reason to direct your frustration and anger towards him so you could unload on him. I'm not you so this is just speculation. And I'm not trying to attack you, just a possibility that maybe even you weren't aware of happening. That was my go to stress release back in the day and let me tell you, it gets old fast. Expressing your feelings in a healthy manner is not only good for you but those surrounding you like family, friend, even those your take care of. I would suggest looking inside yourself to see why you felt like saying that even though it's universally known to be a false option

Answer

Your husband needs to be a MAN.  Be straight up with him. I always tell my husband to put himself in MY shoes and get him to see how HE would feel if those exact tables were turned. It isn't appropriate for a married man to go out with friends and drink when his partner is on call and overworked.   The kids should have been put to bed and then you two could have enjoyed quality time together.   I am 100% sure if the situation was switched- he would have lost it when you asked to go out with girlfriends and drink.  Seriously.   Immature. You guys should have someone watch your kids and you go have a staycation to reconnect and discuss how to really talk over what is important to keep your family strong. Open and honest dialogue really makes a huge difference with my husband. Not judgement, just honesty.  We understand one another's love languages and that helps tremendously.

Answer

Yes nurses work crazy LONG hours and are wonderful! I'd be pissed too, I'm assuming he works 8 hours, he needs to spend a day in your shoes and see what exhaustion really is. He could have went to the bar any other time.

Who is in the wrong

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