My journey *may be a trigger*

Everyone's pregnancy journey is different I want to share my journey to help me continue to process everything that I have been through and maybe help someone that might have experienced something similar to mine.

It all started when my husband and I got married back in October of 2017. We started "trying" right away. We always talked about having kids and that we always wanted 3. I never once thought that I would have difficulty getting pregnant. I saw everyone around me getting pregnant what seemed to be so easily.

January 2018 comes around and it's about mid month. I'm getting ready to go to lunch with my mom and I started to bleed with some cramping. I didn't think much of it I had just had my period maybe 2 weeks ago. So I continued with my day. At lunch the cramping started to get really bad and I could feel myself passing clots. I asked my mom what it could be. She asked if I was pregnant and I said no that I just had my period and we chalked it up to my periods could still be off since it I had gotten off birth control back in October.

The cramping started to get unbearable so I asked my mom to take me to urgent care. I felt like I was waiting for hours to be called back. Finally in a room the asked me the routine questions and had me take a pregnancy test. A few minutes later the nurse came back in and said " you're pregnant but probably miscarying" I was speechless, numb, I didn't know how to feel. I called my husband at work and told him what was going on and that he needed to come home since they were sending me to L&D for a better ultrasound to confirm. They did confirm that I was having a miscarriage.

It was definitely not how I imagined finding out I was pregnant for the first time or telling my husband.

Everyone around me kept asking if I was OK. I didn't know what I should be since I found out I was pregnant and miscarrying all at the same time.

1 weeks goes by and I start having severe cramping again to the point where I couldn't stand. My husband took me to the ER and once again I was told that I was still miscarrying and it could take a several weeks for me to be back normal.

2 weeks pass and I think I'm finally starting to feel better. That I can finally start my healing. I wake up in the middle of the night in severe pain. I wake my husband and tell him the pain is unbearable. After waiting a few hours because I didn't want to go to the ER just to be told I'm fine. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I get another ultrasound only this time I was told that I had an ectopic pregnancy and that my tube and ruptured I had internal bleeding and that they needed to rush my surgery. I was so scared, I was crying, and shaking. I never had surgery before.

After my surgery we left the hospital and started to heal.

After the alotted time we started trying again.

May 2018 I was a few days for my period. I took a pregnancy test. Positive!  I was so excited I called the doctors and they wanted me to come in for blood work. I did it, it came back and I wasn't pregnant. It was a false positive.

July 2018 once again took a test it was positive. Took another positive. Took another still positive. I called the doctor they did their blood work. I was pregnant. My husband and I were over the moon. They wanted to do a 8 week ultrasound to make sure that the pregnancy implanted in the right stop. At that ultrasound they didn't see a heartbeat and wanted me to return in 2 weeks for a repeat ultrasound. At that appointment still no heartbeat. My body wasn't recognizing that the pregnancy wasn't viable so I had to induce my own miscarriage.

I was devastated. I laid in bed they following day as I miscarried. It was the worst thing ever. All the thoughts, all the what ifs.

I want back 2 weeks later is confirm the pregnancy was expelled.

August 2018 I was getting ready for work and I started to have really bad cramping. I started having the chills and severe back pain. I called my husband and told him when I got off work if I was still feeling this way that I would go to the ER. I continued to get ready and the pain was getting worse and worse. I called work and told them I couldn't come and told my husband to come get me and take me to ER. I could barely walk the stairs.

Once the exam and ultrasound. The pregnancy had not been fully expelled and my body was trying to expell it. I had to have an emergency D&C.

None of this was ever what I thought how starting a family would be.

We finally had a successful pregnancy come December 2018 and welcomed a little rainbow baby August 2019.

February 2020 we decided that we would start to try again because of all the complications and troubles we had prior.

June 2020 we found out we were pregnant again. Once again we started with blood tests and early ultrasounds. I went in at 6 weeks. We saw fetal pole. They wanted me to come in again at 8 weeks for heartbeat. At 8 weeks they said the placenta looked like it was attaching low and near my previous c section.

They had me come in at 13 weeks. At that appointment I found out that I had placenta accreta (my placenta was attaching at my scar and could grow through it outside the uterus) and placenta previa (placenta was covering my cervix) at this appointment I was also told that I could possibly need a hysterectomy. I was 28 I felt hopeless and everything was getting taken away from me. I felt guilty for feeling this way because I got blessed with 2 babies and some women never get that. At 19 weeks I woke in the middle of the night I had started spotting. I called L&D and they told me what to look for and when I should come in. At 20 weeks I was told we would be delivering at 37 weeks. At 21 weeks I had my first trip to the hospital for bleeding. At 24 weeks I was told that we would delivery 34 weeks. That my baby would be in the nicu.

At 27 weeks had my 2nd trip to the hospital. At 28 weeks I was told I needed to stop working.

At 31 weeks with multiple bleeds but I didn't want to go to the hospital because I knew I wouldn't be allowed to leave until after our baby was born. I decided that after have 4 bleeds in a week I went.

At 32 weeks and 5 days I had an emergency c section. I was in surgery for 8 hours. I was put under. I had a hysterectomy, I had damage to my bladder, and I had a baby. I had to get blood transfusions.

My husband could not be with me until I was in recovery. I wasn't able to see my baby for 2 days because I couldn't get into a wheel chair to go down to the nicu. I wasn't able to hold him for 7 days after birth.

He was in the nicu for 5.5 weeks.

He is 7 months and healthy now

I'm so blessed for having 2 healthy babies but something got taken away from me.