Anybody here that was once in an abusive relationship, mentally & physically ?

Question

I want to hear your stories. Did he ever change? 
This is happening to me. He also calls me all types of bitches and whores. I don’t want to leave but i need to know if you ever been through this and the guy ended up changing. We also have 3 children together and one on the way.

Answer

No, they don't change. Do better for you and your children.

Answer

I wasn't the one being abused but I was the abuser. I had two small children under the age of 3 and was verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive towards their father and was verbally abusive towards my children. I left their father and took the kids but he fought me in family court and won full custody. I felt so down about it because 'oh poor me' thoughts so I sought out therapy. Through that I discovered who I truly was and what I was truly doing. I saw my life path that lead me to think it was okay and normal and that it was wrong. I was wrong. I was wired wrong from day 1 because of my upbringing. I decided I didn't want to keep this cycle of abuse going and it stopped at me. I've been working HARD and intensely with my therapist which I see twice a week and have been for about a decade. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that the father of my children and I started talking about getting back together and trying again to be a fabulous together. We're both doing therapy individually and we've healed a lot of hurts but we know it's a long and tedious process that may last our whole lives. We're both willing to do it though. I will say, not tooting my own horn just relaying what my therapist has said, most people aren't as self reflective as I was and most people will not admit what I've admitted to myself. Most don't see that they're abusive, most won't want to change it and most won't go through the hard and painful work to do that. BUT whatever he decides to do, he must decide to do it for HIMSELF. Not to keep you, not for his kids, FOR HIM. And it's best you're not around when he needs to make that choice. Seeing the safety of not doing anything, seeing you're still around and taking the abuse, what about THAT is telling him he's doing anything wrong? Nothing

Answer

I was the abuser (emotional) I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I had never been like this before. It was like I was watching myself from the third person perspective asking myself 'why?!' 
I now understand that I had stopped trying to understand my husband and what he was going through. I only cared about me and my feelings and my experiences.
I was going through a lot, not that it's an excuse. But when I finally took the time to understand my husband and let myself feel compassion for him and what he was going through. Asking him why he felt a certain way and why he was acting the way he was, etc. There was a huge breakthrough.
Practicing being kind when I don't want to be or don't feel like it has also been huge. The difference it has made in my marriage is night and day. I only have God to thank for it.

Answer

We went to counseling on four different occasions. He would try for a little while and always go back to the abuse. We had three kids too but I finally left. The relief I felt that first night away was unbelievable

Answer

I was in a abusive relationship before. I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused. He also raped me as well. I was in this situation for 5 years. One day he got to the point of calling me horrible names, stalking my house at night, and physically hurting himself so i would stay with him. I finally got the nerve to break up with him and that was hard. Luckily he went to jail for unrelated reasons and that saved me. Well it’s been more than 6 years now and i guess he has 3 kids by 3 different women. One of his kids died and he didn’t care. THEY DON’T CHANGE. Think of your children how they feel about daddy hurting mommy. That hurts them as well. Don’t think of the good times. Think of all the crap he’s done to you and let that fuel you to leave. Find someone you trust to stay with or go to a women’s shelter. Get a restraining order as well. I really hope and pray you get out with your sweet babies. I pray God guides you and protects you. 💖

Answer

Was in a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Didn't end until I moved out. We continued being together.  Going strong. Just cant live with him.

Answer

Ok, so this won't necessarily be the same but I have 2 cents... my brother is at the very least emotionally abusive to my mom and I, I haven't spoken to him I'm a few years now because I'm tired of my life being threatened whether I believe he would do it or not. On top of that I know he has abused the last 2 of his 3 baby mamas. He likes to choke them so it doesn't leave bruises. I know with the 2nd baby mama he wouldn't allow her to work. She was to maintain the home and she stayed longer because she had nowhere to go. He's been hospitalized twice in the last 2 years because of his relationships with these last two women. Family will try to convince me "oh he's doing better now, he's working a lot, but he's on a new medication and he sees the kids every weekend, blah blah blah." But when I tell you my 10 year old niece is in therapy because she's afraid of him and doesn't want to spend time with him alone it's a really thing. By now, shes learned what I know, but she feels trapped because that's her dad. Yeah he might be "ok" for a few months but being abusive is just who he is. He thinks it's OK to use his size and sheer will to manipulate people into doing, saying, thinking what he wants. Because of what he's done recently he can't even see his 4th kid for 5 years because of a protective order. Having watched him get into relationships with these women I want to warn them, I want to scream from the rooftops for them to run and never look back, but his manipulation runs deep and usually the women take his side and block me, at least for some time. The 3rd baby mama was his high-school sweetheart, ive known her for like 20 years now, she blocked me because they found out I didn't invite them to my daughter's 1st birthday party because my parents didn't want to come if he was there. She made a passive aggressive status about how his family sucked for leaving him out and excluding him from family functions. And In my anger I made one saying "tag me next time 🤷🏻‍♀️" she still hasn't unblocked me but she's started offering to let my parents be involved and my nephew is close to being 1 already. After having been involved with my brother hundreds of times since high school this woman gave him many chances to change and it's ended in a protective order because she was holding THEIR child when he decided to strangle her. No, I don't believe it gets better every single time, and definitely not without help.

Answer

Abusive men almost never change and you’re not obligated to stick around just to hope that he will. And even if he does their will be so much damage done already that it’s very hard to come back from that. Please leave him and give your children a better life. They deserve a mother who is happy and healthy and not putting herself in a miserable life just for them or just because you love him or you’re too scared to be on your own.

Answer

Me 🙋🏻‍♀️ and I can promise you now, he will NEVER change. The fact you have children with him is the exact reason why you should leave. Do you want your daughters growing up thinking that is the normal way to be treated by a man? Or do you want your sons to grow up thinking this is the normal way to treat a woman? Trust me it will get worse. I put up with it for way longer than I should. My ex was abusive in every way you can imagine. I could actually write a book on the shit he did to me. Put yourself and your children first and leave

Answer

They only change for the worst. Get out now before the name calling changes into punches

Anybody here that was once in an abusive relationship, mentally & physically ?

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