We've been together so long.

Yesterday was rough.

He got physical and pushed me twice to get out of his way.

He didn't spend the night here but he let the kids go to bed thinking he was here.

My heart is so sad for my daughter that just wants her daddy.

I'm scared of him but I want him here for the kids.

I should have cooked and cleaned like he wanted me too.

I did but not to his standards. It's hard with 2 children not impossible but I'm only human.

I'm so so anxious I'm vomiting and shaking. I just want him to come home and be who he used to be when he wasn't getting this angry.

He won't go to therapy.

He won't listen to anything I say.

Idk what to do.

STRUGGLING UPDATE

I can't sleep and actually wrote this in a state of panic I forgot about it.

Thank you to all who replied

Ofc I want to defend him but everyone in his family says he needs mental help but he's not getting it as of now. My anxiety is so high. He made me feel like I neglected my kids because I chose to not be a sahm anymore. I thought it would help with the feeling lonely I was dealing with. I was wrong. He repeated today he loved me and was talking about our future and said I just need to get better. That I'm the only woman besides his mom and daughter that he loves. I know I should go but I'm scared of being alone. I think I'm like this due to my parents dying before i was even an adult. Dad first, then sick mom then I was alone... so I made my own family and now it feels broken.