Hard time w/step son

I’ve posted about my relationship with my step son a lot here. Majority of the time I get slammed for being honest. Or suggestions to take him to therapy which I recommend but nobody else follows through. I don’t think I can legally take him myself.

He’s 11. He’s opinionated. He talks back constantly. He’s mean to my kids. He yells at me, “you’re not my mom I don’t have to listen to you.” And literally runs out of the house. He’s always saying nasty rude things like, “retard” “you’re acting autistic.” “That’s why you got a black bootyhole.” And much more. (He’s also black and Afro Latino but identifies as white)

His father tries hard to discipline him. We’ve sat down and have had numerous talks with him. Taking his tablet away does nothing, neither does taking his outside time and snacks. I’ve tried to LOVE the fuck out of him. Kill him with kindness type of stuff and just give unconditional love.

This has been going on for 3 years. His mom is a prostitute. Took him when he was 5 so there’s a lot of lost time here. When he’s with her she leaves him with her boyfriend for days on end while she’s traveling and escorting. She’s taught him the money comes first. He’s extremely spoiled. Apple everything.

Anyways, we decided to bring him into our home full time and try to get him uplifted and doing better. I stay home with the kids so he’s with me and my kids from sun up to sun down. I do take the life change into consideration. I do think his moms home could have caused issues. I know his fathers lack of parenting knowledge is another factor.

We started doing more one on one things with him. Got him into arts and crafts, bike riding. But I recently lost my give.

My kids father is just a plain asshole. He snaps and starts to act really foul. I was asking my step son to hurry up so we wouldn’t be late. I see him smirk in the mirror and start to move in slow motion. The look in his face knowing that he could cause problems for my kids and myself was absolutely terrifying.

I had a long talk with his mom about how I’d like her to try and be on board with the co parenting and she straight up told me, “yea well it’s your turn. You signed up to be his step mom. He’s your fucking problem now. Don’t send him back.”

Which is horrible and painful that even his mom is denying him. And “doesn’t want him.”

It’s making me want to end my relationship. I can’t tolerate it anymore. I feel horrible because I hear his voice and feel an array of emotions. He irks my nerves and kills my happiness. If he wasn’t my step son, he’s the kind of kid I wouldn’t invite over because of how negative and rude he is.

I feel extreme guilt that I can’t help him do better. That I can’t accept him as he is. And for wishing he wasn’t living with us. I’m lost and don’t know what to do.

Also, if you’ve read this far. Thank you. I’ve told his dad that we’d have to separate for a while because I’m not going to come in between his child and him. He’s cried to me about how he doesn’t know what to do. The parenting classes we took didn’t help us. I see his dad looking like a deer in headlights, ashamed, and embarrassed.