I am awful :(

I am the mom of a 2 year old boy who is just the most loving, adorable, perfect little man in the world. I lost baby #2 when I was 10 weeks pregnant and I am now pregnant with baby #3.

The road to get to this healthy pregnancy was rough and for months I was just praying that I’d get finally pregnant with a healthy baby ❤️

Since I am a little girl I’ve always wanted kids and I have always imagined myself with a little girl of my own. Always had her name picked out to pay homage to my grandma who was everything to me and who sadly passed away years ago.

I always pictured myself braiding her long hair, play dress up, buying her cute dresses and bows etc. We got the result for the gender of baby this morning and it is another boy…

I am crushed and have been crying all morning. I feel absolutely awful and guilty for even feeling this way as I love my baby and I know he chose me to be his mama for a reason. I just can’t shake the sadness away that I’ll never have my little girl.

I can’t even post this with my name as I feel like an asshole for feeling this way. I know some woman try for years to have a baby or will never get the chance to carry a baby and here I am crying because my baby is a boy…

I just needed to share my feelings anonymously. My lifelong dream is just flying away and I can’t share my sadness with anyone because I know they wouldn’t understand and I should just be happy.

And I will… I guess I just need time :(