Who’s the “breadwinner” in your house?

Question

Well ladies looks like he’s gonna be the one calling me daddy now cuz I’m the new head of this household! I went from unemployed for months and months because of the pandemic closing my job, then my partners car accident, then pregnancy, then losing my pregnancy, then covid exposure AGAIN, but now it’s all worth it in the end! 
I just landed my utter DREAM job. It’s a cool 6 minute walk from my house, it’s $16/hr plus $14/hr in tips and commission so $30/hr, no uniform so I can wear pretty much whatever I want, I get to talk to people about wine all day, walk through a beautiful vineyard everyday, and I get 2 free bottles of wine every pay period??? It all feels like I’m in the most amazing dream and I never wanna wake up. I’m SO excited to be working again I’ve missed it so much and I’m so ready to have a more normal routine again. 
My MIL has her concerns that my partner is going to be less than thrilled for me to be making $13/hr more than he does. So far I’m not totally sure, he seems happy for me to be working again and that he’ll have help with finances more. But I’m honestly not sure how this is going to go. The woman being the top earner of the home isn’t unheard of for him as his mom earns almost 70k a year MORE than my FIL 
Has anyone else had experience with being the “breadwinner” ? How do you keep your partner from feeling emasculated? How do you keep the relationship feeling even and balanced?

Answer

Well I think not making a big deal of the fact that you earn more than him, if he's sensitive about it, is the way to go. Like not saying things like you did in your first sentence to him. Otherwise well done

Answer

A real man won’t be threatened. He’ll be supportive of you.

Answer

I am the breadwinner in our household but my husband never felt any less because we both know we are in it together. I am a register nurse, he's a mechanic and we been together for almost 20 years, we never had issue with money, it's always been our houses, our cars, our checking accounts etc.. both of you must trust each other and feel comfortable to have an open conversation about it and please understand where he's coming from, because number one reason people break up It's for financial reasons.

Answer

Honestly, we need to get this idea of being a 'breadwinner' out of our vocabulary. All it does is cause divisions and is often used in arguments to try and pull an 'I'm better than you' or suggestive that they deserve more respect. I earn more than my husband, but that doesn't make me the breadwinner. It just means there's more money in the pot for us, happy days!

Answer

My husband says that he's the bread winner but I'm the bread maker lol. Basically, he works and gets paid money for it, I do everything else and get paid in memories and gratitude. We both work it's just that I'm saving the family money, not making the family money.

Answer

We have always been pretty even but the last 6 months it’s been me by far. He recently accepted a new job and with that increase he will be making literally double per hour what I make but our take home will be the same with the amount of hours I work. Never been an issue with us.

Answer

I’m the breadwinner but just barely. I’m still trying to break into my field and once I have the necessary experience, will be making around $40/hr. My husband isn’t bothered by it because that just means more money to pay the bills. As far as how to make him feel better about it, remind him that he’s a whole human and not just your personal bank account. Maybe try to schedule a weekly date night so the two of you have guaranteed time together. Find a hobby you both enjoy. Show him there’s more to life than just making money and that isn’t the reason you were with him to begin with.

Answer

I am atm. He stays home with our son and is in school online. Previously, he worked while I maintained the house and went to school. It’ll probably be about equal when he finishes school. He’s never seemed threatened by it. It’s a partnership. As long as we’re both contributing in some way another (not necessarily monetarily) to our family we’re good.

Answer

I work and my SO is a stay at home Dad. I don't worry about making him feel emasculated because stroking his ego is not my job. He's not some insecure victim of toxic masculinity that's going to get butt hurt over having a women pay the bills.
He's a fantastic father and he's doing a great job raising our daughter. I tell him that.

Answer

Even if he is insecure I bet he will be happy when the paycheck starts coming in and you guys have more spending money!  Congrats on your new job.

Who’s the “breadwinner” in your house?

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