I’m in love but it’s making me sad

I got into a relationship about 8 months ago, I’m currently 21 and it’s the most amazing relationship of my life. He’s attentive, he listens to me, never gets mad when I want to have sex, is always sweet, he never flinches when I want to check his phone or need to use it if mines dead, he’s helped me pay some of my bills for college and he encourages me to be a nicer, more graceful woman. I’m so in love for the first time of my life. I really believed love didn’t exist before this relationship and I was convinced that I would never be married, never have children & that I was “detached” from the world in a way. But now I believe in it. I know I’m young but for the first time in my life I actually want to have kids with him, he makes me happy — he makes me feel like a woman. I’ve never been loved by a man before, all my past relationships were just based on guys using me for sex — but for the first time in my life it doesn’t feel like that. I’m very in love and happy and I wouldn’t want it any other way but I can’t help to be sad when I think about how the other men trEated me, it even got so bad to the point I spent a whole hour thinking of scenarios where men did me wrong or lied to me or just were terrible to me in general. I realized I every relationship I was in the past was abusive, and the only thing that kept me having flings was the fact that I just wanted somebody to “love” me. I realized that I wasn’t hard to love, or undeserving of love but that I was just with the wrong men. This drives me to an uncontrollable amount of sadness, I feel so angry at myself, and I feel like I wish I would’ve saved myself for my current man now. I know this all sounds silly, but it’s a Friday and I’m up crying hiding from my boyfriend in the bathroom because I don’t want him to see me sad.