Mostly just a vent. Comment what you have advice on 🤷‍♀️

Hubby had a vasovacetomy done 2015 got pregnant after 8 months of trying. He got a count done because it took more than 6 months to conceive (he's over 35). The week he went for a count we found out we were pregnant. His doctor called and said well you can get pregnant but it will be hard. We excitedly told him we were pregnant and the dr was happy for us. Had the baby 2016. Started trying for number 2 7months later. We are now not really trying but also not preventing as I really want another but TTC and getting those negatives every month was just too rough on me. My SIL just had a second baby in 2 yrs and seeing her 2yr old and her newborn just depresses me. I don't know if I want to actively start TTC again or just stay where we are at. Today I was holding back tears after leaving my SILs. Hubby will be fine with either but I can't help but believe I will forever feel like I should have had another. Hubby has 3 bios and I have 1 bio. His older 2 are 20 and 17 and are vocal about not wanting another sibling and our 4 almost 5 yr old is vocal about not wanting another. Hubby says not their choice but I feel torn.