My dad thinks I’ve been brainwashed

My dad and I have had a good relationship throughout most of my life. I’ve always felt understood by him, but now that I’m starting my own family we’ve started growing apart. As he’s delved deeper into religion he’s begun to alienate himself from our family. I worry for his mental health and I especially worry about him acting the way he has recently with our daughter on the way (I’m 20 weeks pregnant).

Every time I disagree with an inflammatory comment he makes (often because he uses slurs like “sodomite” to describe lgbt people, says something racist, or references a right wing conspiracy theory), he gets mad at me says it’s because I don’t understand the truth or because my mind has been “compromised” by “the free masons”,“Marxist propaganda”, or “the communists”.

Everything seems to relate back to religion with every conversation. He’s very passionate about his beliefs. He even refused to go to my wedding when I didn’t hold it in a Catholic Church. I’ve told him that I personally just don’t agree with Catholicism, but what I haven’t had the heart to tell him is that I practice Wicca with my husband. It’s difficult, because my spirituality is a huge part of my life now and we plan to raise our daughter to celebrate the sabbats. My dad believes that witches are infiltrating the Catholic Church to destroy it, and that they are responsible for the pedophilia scandals in the church and the current disorder of the country.

Recently my dad called me and told me he wanted to go to lunch with me without my husband there. I thought he just wanted some quality time, but then he started talking about how he thought my husband was cowardly and foolish for getting the covid vaccine. When I tried to explain that he had to get the vaccine, because he’s enrolled in college courses, he said that my husband didn’t have to go to school in order to start a new career. He said that my husband should have gone into a trade like carpentry or plumbing instead of medical. He even went as far as to ask how I know my husband has what it takes to go through college, which made me grit my teeth in anger. He started saying that my husband is going to shed skin cells that are contaminated with the vaccine which he believes will hurt me and the baby (we have a medical exemption from the vax). He then made a comment that it was my husband’s “fault” that we had to prepare for a baby. Finally when the argument was defused he said that he wanted to talk to me about my daughter. He asked me permission to baptize her and bring her up Catholic. I said that if when she’s older, she decides she wants to be Catholic, that I will not stop her from being baptized. He insisted that was not enough and that she needed to be baptized as an infant. To which I explained that my husband and I can’t raise our daughter Catholic, because we aren’t Catholic. He said that it was okay that we weren’t Catholic, because he would do all of the work to teach her Catholic doctrine and make sure she was brought up in the church. I tried to explain that it’s not that it would be inconvenient to raise our daughter Catholic, but that we just don’t agree with the Catholic Church on a number of things, but he just could not understand my point of view.

He didn’t talk to me much after that. We talked again over the phone after I had witnessed a traumatic car accident in which a pregnant woman was run over by a car on a crosswalk (I ended up finding out later on that her and baby were both okay). It had made me think about my own loved ones, so I called him to say that I loved him and that the very traumatic situation had put into perspective how grateful I am that my family is safe and healthy. Though it was the day after the accident, my dad tried to down play what had happened. He told me that I was dwelling and had to move on. He said that the woman was stupid for crossing the crosswalk while pregnant, because of the risk of getting hit. I went mostly quiet and he asked what was wrong. I said I just didn’t like his outlook on the situation. He then said that he was sick of people getting upset over issues that don’t directly affect them, and that while I was living my life thinking I was the center of the universe, I didn’t even think to ask about him (he had asked me about the situation and I just had been too distracted by the memory in the moment by what had happened). So I asked what he was going through. he said “nothing I’m willing to talk to you about”. I said “I’m sorry. I hope all is well”. He then said that the problem was that he felt alienated from my entire family. He felt that we all thought he was crazy and never took his advice or listened to him. He then said “everyone in my family has rejected me, including you. And you know what? I think I’m okay with that”. I got a bit defensive, because that absolutely was not true. I responded “If I didn’t care what you had to say, why would I call you?”. He said that I wasn’t listening to him, just talking. I responded that I was listening, I just don’t understand why he thinks that. He responded very angrily with “No. what I just said was actually very profound and if you were listening you would have realized that instead of just answering”. I was blown away and didn’t know what to say. He said “you’re really angry at me and I don’t know why”. I told him that I wasn’t angry I was just frustrated at his callousness when talking about the woman who was hit. He got mad again and said “we’re not talking about that right now why are you bringing it up?”. I said that I was just answering his question. He accused me of lying and hiding things from him and said he didn’t know why I resented him, but that he would figure it out. I said I really didn’t understand where the tension was coming from and that I still wasn’t angry at him, and haven’t been harboring resentment for him. He then said he didn’t want to talk anymore and we ended the conversation and hung up.

That was our last conversation and it really made me question a lot. I always saw my dad as a role model growing up, but now I’m worried about how he’s going to be around my daughter . I don’t want her to feel like she’s doing something wrong by not being Catholic, and I don’t want her to think my dad’s mood swings and narcissism are her fault. My dad is going to want to be involved in my daughter’s life, but I worry that he’s going to try to overstep because it’s clear that he doesn’t see the man I chose to be her father as a suitable role model. I know this is going to lead to tensions between my dad and my husband, causing him to be even more alienated. I worry about him being violent with my husband if he gets too angry, because he has gotten into physical altercations throughout my childhood which were easily avoidable. One ended in him breaking my cousin’s nose in front of me (I was a toddler). I remember him as the best dad ever and only tend to think about all of the good times, but as I get older and all of these memories re-emerge of his mood swings, emotional abuse, and violent tendencies, I start to worry about his involvement in my daughter’s life, especially as he’s becoming so paranoid that our family and the rest of the world are out to get him. He really needs therapy, but he thinks therapy is brainwashing.

Am I rightfully worried?