Would you force a relationship? 😕

Question

My son is 5 years old and my step son is turning 5 shortly, I’ve been with my partner for 4 years in total and our kids just don’t get along😬
If anything it’s getting worse. They argue 24/7, completely different personalities/interests. I don’t know what to do, my partner and I dread when his son comes at the weekends because when the kids are together it’s a constant stress😩
Separately they are fine, but together they just don’t work. I can actually see my son becoming really frustrated with his company which then leads to him being told off a lot which isn’t fair.
Also I’m due baby in a few weeks and I’m starting to worry about how we are going to cope when we have the boys together and with the baby too 😞
Please don’t suggest speaking with step son’s mother as she doesn’t input very much help at all, just kind of shrugs it off. 
Like what do I do? Do I just keep them separate or try and force a relationship my son really doesn’t want 😣

Answer

Are they okay if you just kind of let them do their own things? If they have separate interests it may be best to make sure they each have their own time to do things they’re interested in.  Making sure you have family meal times that are a neutral space but also family time for everyone together would be really important here.  Can they agree on any movies, board games, anything you can spend time doing as a family?  Over time they may find more common ground on some things and grow closer.  I’d just make the most of times you can get them together while also letting them enjoy their own interests as well.☺️  Some of the most peaceful times in our home are when each boy is doing their own thing.

Answer

Am I correct in guessing that your biological son lives with you and your partner the majority of the time while your stepson comes weekends or every other weekend? I would imagine stepson feels a little out of place and probably jealous your son spends more time with his dad if that's the case. You also said you all dread the weekends he comes because of their relationship. Kids pick up on that and will act out. Imagine how it would feel at 5 knowing your presence is dreaded.
I would make sure his son has enough time with his dad and maybe you as well. It seems you intend to continue being a family so showing you are all united is a must. You said you don't want to force a relationship your son doesn't want but they are siblings who will be more connected now through a new baby. 
An important lesson we all need to learn is how to embrace differences in others and usually it is helpful to find similarities and facilitate positive interactions. What will you do if your son isn't a fan of the new baby? While relationships shouldn't be forced, they should be taught how to respect one another and be kind for the most part. Siblings usually do fight and i feel it is often deeper than just being different people.

Answer

Keeping them separate is more than likey the problem. You need to find common interests not just keep them away from each other wtf do something with them, go have fun, you need to give them a chance to bond and it doesn't seem like you ever have. They sound like they are siblings. Siblings fight. Let them fight.

Answer

You also need to let him have time with just his dad. Or it might be time to end the relationship so your kids aren't unhappy all the time🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Answer

I have 2 brothers, both of my parents had them after they split. They got back together when I was in middle school and my brothers were in elementary. They never ended up getting along 😬 which caused obvious strain on my mom and dads relationship because they would try to be fair, but would take up for their kid in the end. They were both “miracle babies” as in both pregnancies had their own complications and both of them could’ve died. I don’t think that helped anything because they both were babied by their respective parent all the time. Eventually my parents decided to get a divorce my senior year of High school and my brothers still don’t get along. It actually got worse as they got older 
That being said though, it may help that their much younger and don’t have the “miracle baby” syndrome both of my brothers had. I also think the addition of a new baby may be good for them as well. Give it some time, but definitely don’t try to force anything. That won’t work well for anybody involved.

Answer

Forcing a relationship will almost certainly backfire. I would try to keep their interaction short or goal-oriented. They may grow out of the issues they’re having amongst themselves, but forcing them to hang out together will probably only grow the animosity between them.

Would you force a relationship? 😕

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