I’m going crazy

I don’t think that I will ever be enough truly. There is too much about me that is messed up and wrong. As a kid I thought that I only felt different because I was young and it was normal. The older I get the more different I feel. The more of an outcast. I see people my age living there lives and I wish that I had that story like life. They all seem so happy. Why is it that I feel so stressed and awful all the time. It’s my fault that I have assignments to complete not only in school and in life but I have just have had no motivation. In the moment it seems like an okay reason “you just got home from work you are tired. It’s okay to wait an hour.” So I wait and hour. Then it becomes two hours and then three and so on. Why am I such a waste sometimes. I can’t even be a good enough girlfriend and I’m sure I don’t look good enough either. I feel like the older I get the more psychotic I feel. The more off I am.