When did you start to get excited?

Hi everyone! This is my 3rd pregnancy, but I have no children. I’m almost 12 weeks, the furthest along I’ve been. Every time I want to be excited for this pregnancy and start planning, I immediately feel bad like I’m going to jinx it.

Those of you who have experienced a loss or even those who haven’t and just have high anxiety, when did you allow yourselves to be excited for your pregnancy? I so badly want to enjoy this time, but unfortunately I only know pregnancy for me to end in a bad way.