Ugh I can’t!!!

I have been married for 5 years, thought I married the love of my life, we tried having a baby for 3 in half years and we finally have our little family, but honestly after I had my son 5 months ago I was dealing with postpartum depression really bad. I even told my husband I don’t think I love him anymore, he felt the same way. But then we got some counseling and our relationship got a little stronger then it has been a while. But now I feel like we in a pickle, and I am just done. He tells me he hates me all the time when it’s not his way. Then he says he doesn’t mean it because I was acting like a bitch towards him. He confusing, I try my best to be a good wife, but I am a mother first, We don’t fight around my son or near him cause I don’t want him to think it’s okay. I feel like a horrible person because I wanna leave him. But I don’t want my son to grow up without two parents being together, but yet I don’t want my son to one day hear what kinda stuff he says to me. There is always two parts of the story. And I have to admit when he hits my limit I say some stuff I regret too. But how can I leave someone that I can’t see my life with out him. How I can leave the father to my child. Where will I start again. I am away from my family 3000+ miles away, I have no family here but my son. I don’t want him to try to take my son away from me if I try to leave. My son is my everything. I am just stuck! I know I am not okay but I have to stay happy for my son.