Dreading another holiday season

“She needs a sibling.”

“She’s almost 6…get busy!”

“You aren’t getting any younger.”

“She would be a good big sister.”

“Are y’all done?”

“We are ready when you are.”

{{{They don’t know our last Christmas was one of dreams and movies. BFP on Christmas eve! I recorded my husbands shock turn to sobs of joy when he opened the little box, even set it to that song I can’t listen to now, fully edited the sweetest announcement video with fireworks since we planned on sharing the news right after the new year began.

They don’t know we were trying a year before that. They don’t know we are still trying, desperately.

They don’t know I have a nursery picked out or a name just waiting on a miracle.

They don’t know a BFP doesn’t always mean you hold a baby 9 months later.

They don’t know I am doing some type of test almost every day of my life.

They don’t know what bbt, POAS, LH, DPO, BD, or MC means.

They’ve never searched 8DPO BFP in a forum at 2 am.

They. Don’t. Know.}}}}}}}

How hard it is to smile and reply “well….we’re trying…” for the millionth, painful time.