My stepson and his parents

I have a 11 year old stepson and I've been apart of being a parent figure in his life since he was 5.

I've always kind of stood back when it came to my stepsons parenting choices and although I didn't agree with most of it I still respected their decisions regarding the son they made together. From day one I always pushed my husband to co parent as they only ever fought when in each other's presence and it sat heavy on me for this 5 year old little boy and I KNEW I had to help them be not only civil but friendly because that's what every child deserves. It took a while and alot of getting my husband to let shit go, do more to help with stepson (he did all the pick up drop off, extra curricular activities, appointments) and he originally fought her on that because it's true, he did all the work and she complained about my husband the entire time.. which was due to unsaid feelings or things that happened in their relationship, separation ect. They had my stepson younger, my husband was 18 and I can only imagine his priorities were not straight, I knew he lived the party life style prior to me, he didn't pick his son up every weekend due to that and would see him during the week mostly so he had to prove he was matured now vs back then. .

Anyways, when I met my stepson at 5 he had absolutely no structure in either homes. He wasn't taught common hygiene (didn't have to brush his teeth, bathe, wear underwear, didn't wipe his own bum) he had no bedtime, at 5 he'd be up past midnight playing games on his tablet, he didn't have to eat breakfast lunch or dinner and he could eat junk instead of meals. He didn't ear anything nutritional. He did what he wanted when he wanted, there was no such thing as no. If he wanted to go get toys that's where we went and if he wanted to go to multiple toy stores and get multiple toys that's what happens and over a few months I watched this happen... every time we had him we were buying him toys. Every single day. It was literally insane! When I moved in with my husband, I knew what I was about to do even though I told myself to stay out of it.

I went to the store, bought mass amounts of groceries. Meats, vegetables, all fruits, baking stuff, fun things to make as a family. I tried to promote structure, meals at the time all of us eat together, normal breakfast not chips and chocolate, absolutely no reason to be up past midnight at 5, morning and night I brush my teeth and I wanted my stepson to do it with me, baths are a good thing and we now do them! At 5, you should be learning how to wipe your bum independently and dad should be teaching you. And obviously my stepson hated me but I already knew this is what was going to happen, he had no rules and that's every kids dream and now here I was silently adding structure.

For about a year, he hated me and i was okay with that because in the long run, this would pay off and he will thank me some day. Eventually he started enjoying these things, when I met him he wouldn't even eat potatoes and chicken and now a year later, he was prepping meals with me that consisted of all that plus onions, mushrooms, peppers, broccoli and he actually enjoys stuff most kids hate and now he looked forward to making dinner with me. He would meet me in the bathroom to brush our teeth, he asks me to run him baths til this day so he can use my fancy stuff! He has routine when he's with me, I thought him to write, read, tie his shoes, ride a bike, swim. No one else did these things with him and he came to me when he wanted to tie his shoes because kids ar school made fun of him for not knowing how. 2 years ago is when online school started due to teachers strike and then covid and I've been the one doing it with him the entire time because his parents didn't have the patience to help him. 6 years later we went from him having me to him coming to me for everything. I don't sit here and act like king shit because of the effort I put into him in fact, this is the first time talking about it. I love this little boy so much and always wanted the best for him.

His mom did a 360 a bit ago, decided to hate me and want to keep him from me. My husband doesn't fight for him, if he pulls back then he just deals with it. She makes the rules and he surrenders. He won't go to court for more custody for a million lame reasons why and I can't force him. Shes feeding him lies about us and he feels guilty that if he loves me hes betraying his mom. He was fine to love me for this long and has but now he's expected to hate me. It's so frustrating.