Being told I'm the asshole

So, first off I love my grandma, shes the sweetest lady and raised me for a lot of my childhood. My mom was a paramedic/emt for most of it and worked a lot of 48 hour shifts and my dad was a disabled veteran with a drinking problem, so I spent a lot of time at her house which was just down the road from my parents. There are a lot of issues with my brother that would take a lot of time to discuss. He fought my dad a lot during my childhood, blames him for all his problems even though they haven't spoken in YEARS, but recently I've been told by his 3 baby mamas or my mom that he's abusive and strangles them. The 3rd I don't speak to, but she apparently was holding their infant when he strangled her last saying he would kill her for trying to clean up toys while they were babysitting his 1st baby mamas other kid. So my niece is 11 now, about the age I was when my dad got sober, shes witnessed my brother being like this her whole life, so I see a lot of myself in her, while our dad's both have different mental illnesses, I know my brother yells a lot and my dad yelling is a big trigger for me, pretty much if any man raises his voice aggressively I shut down. I'm always there to stick up for my niece, though, so back to my grandma.

I sent her some Christmas photos, my husband is military so I try to mail her pictures once a month of my daughter, I told her I sent an 8x10 of my daughter for her wall. She tells me I'm the only person who ever gets her new photos and how she needs new ones of all the great grands now that most of them are in school. Then she says something I didn't expect, she says she doesn't like that my niece shaved her head so she doesn't want a new one of her until she grows her hair out. Knowing my niece likes her haircut and the fact that she's dressing darker and feels more comfortable that way because I've literally been there I tell my grandma it's probably not going to happen. My niece told me a month ago I'm one of the reasons she had the courage to cut her hair, I'd just grown mine out after my daughter's birth to donate and cut it thus past spring but ive had short hair pretty much my niece's whole life. It's just hair. But my grandma goes on to say "I love my great granddaughter, but im not putting THAT on my wall." I ended up needing to abruptly end the conversation anyway so I didn't cause a fuss over it.

So that brings us to this morning, my cousin messages me saying her sister had given grandma a new 8x10 of herself and grandma says she needs new ones of the grandkids too. I told her I send pics all the time but she doesn't need an 8x10 of me, it's 5:30 am and I was joking mostly until I woke up more and told her about what was said just a few days ago and that after i thought about it grandma isn't getting a new photo of me until she unconditionally loves and supports my niece. She says I'm being dramatic over a simple picture. So I go on to take a breather and later sent a message to explain the parallel in trauma that my niece and I both experienced at her age, so I can only imagine what has been said about myself, and as soon as she puts a picture of my niece up as is, I'd gladly send her one of myself. I told her i know it seems petty, but im not just starting an argument over nothing. My grandma probably forgot she said it by now. My mom says she thinks my grandma has memory problems because she's had a few strokes over the last several years. Nothing diagnosed though, so until there's a medical explanation given from a doctor I felt it was a healthy boundary. My cousin hasn't read my book of an explanation for my attitude change, she thinks I'm just being an asshole, so idk. I told her I never asked her to understand the shit with my family growing up because she's younger than me, but she's been old enough to see the trauma with my niece and no one does anything to tell her we know what she goes through. I'm just really disappointed in my grandma y'all, I never thought she'd say anything like that. Plus, my niece is cute af with a shaved head. She doesn't know my grandma said it either, and ill keep it that way, but I sent her a message this morning too saying I wish I could be there for her more and that I understand she's been through a lot in 11 years and I'm only ever a phone call away to listen or even for advice.