I messed up

I created a scenario in my head that lead me to break up, block my boyfriend, And told him to drop my things off at my bestfriend house in the middle of the night without just talking to him about how I was feeling.

I know what I did wasn’t right. After a day of radios silence. He finally text me too talk. We had a 2 hours conversation of him telling me how he felt, addressing each of concerns that I had. We ended the conversation with me wanting to get back together and him wanting to think about it more.

After reflection, I realize that I was coming from a place of trauma in a past relationship that made me want to completely remove myself instead of saying he’s a different person let’s have a conversation about it. In my pervious relationships I was gaslighted/manipulated/cheated on/hidden from the world. So I promise myself I wouldn’t let that happen again. Tbh I am not sure if it’s happening now, me, misunderstandings, or a mixture of things. I have been going to therapy and have been doing a lot healing work- despite what it looks like in this post. I have grown so much in these last year to even want to pursue a relationship again.

I let go of my job a couple of weeks ago so I may have let my mind wonder about some thing which have been leaving me with a lot of anxiety.

Each thing on the list he had a logic explanation for and I am preparing myself for both outcomes, to stay or continue with the break up.

I wish I could give you guys the full story everything just seems so complicated.