Hey ladies, i just need to share about my birth experience. I have a lot of trauma from it i am now just processing and i want to get it out. If you take the time to read i appreciate it 🥰

Leading up to finding out i was pregnant with my son i had multiple pregnancy losses. One in 2015, one in 2017, one in 2019 and one the month prior to conceiving my son. Due to my losses, i had extreme prenatal anxiety and moderate PTSD surrounding pregnancy loss. It was hard for me to be excited about my pregnancy and seemed impossible to visualize ever meeting my son... especially once the unexplained pregnancy spotting and bleeding started happening. I never actually got a reason for the bleeding, my OB thinks it was just an irritation of my cervix. I was in and out of the emergency room multiple times because of my anxiety, every spot of blood gave me flashbacks to my miscarriages and i needed reassurance that my baby was ok in there.

At about 14 weeks i was told i have RH- blood, luckily none of the spotting i experienced or previous miscarriages sensitized me to RH+ blood. But doing research and learning about it scared me that i could lose my son or any future pregnancies, especially seeing as how i hadnt ever received a Rhogam shot. I did recieve them all on time through my pregnancy and once when i started bleeding at about 36 weeks. Unfortunately my son is RH+ and our blood mixed during birth. The lab took WAY too long testing my blood for antibodies and unfortunately i had been sensitized and developed the antibodies during labour/delivery of my son. I got my shot as soon as we found out but i was already sensitized so we are unsure of how much itll help. I am now terrified for future pregnancies and im terrified i could experience reoccurring pregnancy loss or stillbirth.

I also unfortunately developed gestational diabetes. At first, i was able to control it with diet alone but as my pregnancy progressed so did my insulin resistance and i ended up needing insulin. Even the insulin didnt help for a while and because of this, i developed a terrible relationship with food. I found myself skipping snacks and meals to keep my blood sugar in range. I had an eating disorder previously and unfortunately counting my carbs and skipping meals and being so focused on numbers caused me to fall back in to old habits. Each phone appointment with the diabetic clinic left me feeling triggered and attacked. They were focused on my carbohydrate intake and my weight and it made it all worse. I lost 30lbs during my pregnancy because of this. I am so thankful my son was born healthy at 8lbs 5oz. He was actually measuring 8lbs at 36 weeks on ultrasound which triggered me being induced at 39 weeks.

I also tested GBS positive so when my water broke at home the day after my cervidil (induction method) was placed i went in to panic mode. We did not live close to my delivering hospital and i knew i had to get there fast so i could recieve antibiotics. Little did i know i would be in labour for 36 hours so there was time.

I finally got to the hospital where they started my antibiotics and also placed some gel in me to help soften my cervix. I was only 1.5cm dilated at that point. Keep in mind i started having contractions an hour after my cervidil was placed the night before. 6 hours after the gel was inserted i was barely progressing at all, my water had been broken for a long time so they started me on oxytocin. If you have had pitocin or oxytocin before you know those contractions are BRUTAL. After a few hours I finally dilated to a 4 so i was able to get an epidural. The anesthesiologist came in and this is where the trauma really begins...

She wouldnt wait until contractions stopped. I was made to sit still through horrible contractions while she stuck a needle in to my spine during a contraction. She was pushing so hard on my vertebrae with her finger my legs were going numb and i was getting nerve pain shooting down my legs. I told her to stop while i was having a contraction and she ignored me. And after all of that it didn't even work. The pain was so intense and i knew something was wrong. The anesthesiologist came back and gave me a top up on my epidural and it still didnt work. My instincts told me i needed a csection. I had been in labour for 36 hours and was only 5cm dilated. I told the nurse to go get the OB. The OB came 45 minutes later and checked me and said i was finally at 8.5cm but my son was stuck in my ribs and my cervix was still partially hard. I was also tachycardic with a heart rate of 145. She wanted me to wait 2 more hours. I put my foot down and asked for a csection. Luckily, the OB agreed and i was rushed in for an emergency csection.

The prep was all normal. But the anesthesiologist gave me too much meds and i started feeling sleepy, i felt like if i closed my eyes i was going to die. So i willed myself to stay awake. I dont remember the birth of my son. And to top it off the anesthesiologist gave me morphine and im deathly allergic. Its in my file. It was communicated to her by the nurse. My husband heard the nurse tell her.

My son aspirated fluid and came out not breathing. Luckily he is ok. He was 8lbs 5oz and 21.75 inches long.

5 days postpartum i developed postpartum preeclampsia and was hospitalized with blood pressure in the 160's/100's. I almost had a seizure and ended up on a magnesium drip. Im on 2 blood pressure medications. I was hospitalized on christmas. Now my liver is showing signs of damage. I have severe abdominal pain and im trying to recover from that and my csection while trying to care for my son. It also turns out my pubic bone was shaped weird so i would have never had a vaginal birth so my instinct was right.