What’s Happening?

I just saw a post from someone who said they did it! They just ate two meals today and didn’t feel guilty or make themselves throw up. I’m so proud of this person!!!!!! 💜 I, on the other hand, did not. I’d eaten a pretty healthy day and was proud of myself. Then tonight I got a little hungry and ate a small snack…nothing unhealthy but it was just more food. I worked out and went to shower. It was then that I started feeling bad that I broke down and had eaten more when I’d been doing well. So I made myself throw up in the shower 😭. I’m so bugged that I did this…again. I posted about a month ago about being scared because I realized I had a problem. I’d been on a journey for the past two years and always done it healthy but my relationship with food has taken a turn for the worse and I had made myself throw up twice for the first time ever. I’m in my 30s and have never had an eating disorder and I was scared….well it’s been another month and I’ve either not eaten and “fasted” because I felt I ate too much the day before or I made myself throw up, which I’ve done 3 more times since then. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. I don’t want this to get worse. What have I done?! I was being so healthy and was proud of my journey and that I’ve been being so healthy. THIS is no longer healthy. I’m in my mind about food WAYYYY too much. I just want to fix this. I don’t want to feel guilty for eating and especially for eating something healthy. I don’t even know what I’m asking for or what to say. I just needed to get this out and say this somewhere so thank you for listening 💜