Letting go of my person

So I just need a place to vent for now

My boyfriend (23) and I (21) have known eachother for a little over two years, and have dated for a year and a half.

He applied for the armed forces and he’s moving across the country for his job and training, so we decided to call it quits after discussing about it. We figured that even though long distance is an option, we both wouldn’t be able to do it and not be physically with eachother, it would be very emotionally and mentally tolling. We agreed that we’d be doing a disservice to ourselves by holding onto a relationship while dealing with drastic life changes. I’m currently in my second year of my undergrad and won’t be moving for the next two more years, and he will be moving around alot due to his postings and depending on his stationing for the next 6 years.

Although I knew ahead of time this day would come, it still hurts. I saw him for the last time on Monday and we shared a hug for what felt like forever, as I bawled into his arms. I told him that he is my best friend in the entire world, and I’m so proud of him, and I love him with every part of myself. I know without a doubt he loves me too, but our circumstances called for us to let eachother go, and grow on our own as we navigate our careers.

Although I’m heartbroken, I ultimately know that it is what it is. Stuff like this is out of our control, and I told him that he is destined for greater things, things that he won’t find in this city. If I met him in the future, maybe we would’ve had more time. Maybe we would’ve been more established that we could move and compromise, but we’re in such a delicate phase of our lives that we both agree we cannot jeopardize given our similar upbringing/background.

Being someone who has spent her entire life catering to others, taking care of my family from my parents to my siblings, and often forgetting about myself, I never realized what it meant to have someone take care of you. I’ve always been so hyper independent, where I only felt safe with myself, but he is the embodiment of what home should’ve felt like to me, safe, peace, and love.

Letting go of someone I love has definitely been the hardest thing I’ve done. I’m not sure if I’m too young to know what true love is or if I’ve met my soulmate (if that even is a thing) but I pray that I get to experience this type of love again.