i feel horrible. how much of a bad person am i?

Question

to preface, i know i sound like a horrible person.
im a pretty traditional woman when it comes to gender roles and such. i prefer to be submissive and let my man be dominant. for me, dominance is an attitude and behavior that a man carries himself with as well as what he does for his SO and his family. and this applies to the bedroom as well. in the bedroom i like to be submissive (be told what to do, have less control) while the dom is the leader and aggressive about what he wants.
well i’ve been dating my bf for two years. we have amazing sex and it’s usually pretty kinky. two days ago we were talking about new things we wanna do and he mentioned he wanted to do more ass play. when he said this i thought he was talking about me but he expressed he would like me to eat his ass and peg him. my heart dropped and i automatically became disgusted. i didn’t say anything that day but it’s been bothering me since and i legit want to break up with him. i guess to me, my view of him being a dominant man changes because he wants to be in such a submissive state and i find it uncomfortable. but at the same time, i feel horrible for feeling this way and breaking up with him over something that’s probably not a big deal to so many others.
can i get some advice? please be nice. i need rational options right now.

Answer

If it truly disgusts you to the point of breaking up, perhaps that is what you should do. I personally think it shows a lot of trust and vulnerability that he was able to express his desires to you. It’s totally fine to kindly tell him that it is not something you will ever be able to do. If you can both still move forward with the relationship knowing that assplay for him is off the table, maybe it can still work. I would hate to think that my long term partner would potentially break up with me for sharing my sexual desires

Answer

This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me, he was obviously just expressing what he wants to try in the bedroom, why ask that question then? As long as he isn’t forcing you to try it, I really don’t see a big deal out of it.. everyone has different ways to get pleasure, seems like you think his disgusting and gay or something.. but I think most of these woman, including you are overreacting

Answer

Honestly I would end the relationship. I have very similar veiws/beliefs. I'm in a very traditional M/s relationship. I would not be able to continue a relationship.

Answer

I think it is okay not to want to do that, but yeah, some people are switch, they want to experience both sides.
I understand you can't control what turns you off, but it seems like a bit much for this to be a dealbreaker- couples have different desires from each other all the time. 
My partner says they are neutral about sex- and it turned me off enough to not want to be with them sexually. So I kinda get it, a thing can just make you go: oh no thanks 
And that's that. I guess it's like catching the ick- but in my case I wanted to stay.

Answer

i would also end the relationship over that. it may seem harsh but we all have limits. also sucks he brought it up two years in, so it probably seems like you would be doing something you had no knowledge of or something you didn’t sign up for. you’re not alone in your thought process.

Answer

Yes end it. I stayed married long after my ex husband dropped this bombshell on me… (about a week after the wedding… I stayed 9 more years thinking it wasn’t important) even did what he wanted which actually ended up feeling a lot like sexual abuse because once I did it once it’s all he wanted. We never even had vanilla sex just that. It was horrific because it’s not anything I was attracted to at all. So glad to have gotten divorced I’m not kidding.

Answer

I don't think this makes you a terrible person. You can't help that that's what you are attracted to. I like it when my husband takes control but he likes me to be in control so we're almost having this power struggle in the bedroom at times 🤣 my husband suggested some ass play before (for him) and we tried it and neither of us liked it so we didn't do it again. I was comfortable enough to try it with him, so we did. I bring it up because I learned then that I was put off by him being in such a submissive position and I told him it wasn't for me (I was surprised with my strong response to it really). And he was okay with it. I wouldn't just break up with your partner because of this, maybe let him know that you are not interested and maybe that'll be that? It might have just been something he wanted to try with you and not something he wanted on the regular? I just think it's important to communicate this stuff with each other. If you can't get past it or he is unwilling to proceed without exploring it further then ye may need to consider calling it a day. But I'd definitely try to talk and work it out before throwing in the towel. But that's if you still want to. Only you will know. Everyone is different so while some will be okay with this, some won't and you need to work out what will work for you

Answer

If it’s not your jam and it’s a dealbreaker for him, split up. No reason to stick around and wait for it to all fail later 🤷🏼‍♀️

Answer

Could you be a switch in the bedroom but sub in every day life?

Answer

To each their own. For me, this would be a dealbreaker. I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to call things off

i feel horrible. how much of a bad person am i?

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