I need advice please 😢 how to move on!

This has been the final straw. I can’t take it no more and I’m angry at myself for not even hating him

He continued to verbally abuse me and why can’t I hate him? I really can’t.

Months ago, my bf had this habit of ignoring me for days after an argument. I blocked him every where and he showed up to my house asking for forgiveness. I gave in.

We were doing good for 3 weeks. I seriously don’t know what I did wrong!!! We were texting fine. Then he brings up having kids. Literally, 2 weeks ago, I had a scare and he told me he was glad I didn’t fall pregnant because he isn’t financially stable yet but would work hard for US. Then all of a sudden he brings up the topic of a kid? Then,,, the conversation just drastically changed to me going to the gym to better myself for other guys. I was confused as hell. He said I’m always so concerned about my body and that’s why i don’t get pregnant. Completely false, I am simply not ready …. I called him a “dumbass” for assuming I’m trying to impress other men then he just goes off saying I’m a sack of shit and alllll these other names. I hardly use cuss words or get aggressive but I was so frustrated with all this that I said “you’re a dumbass” then he is shocked I use that word and accused me “who are you talking to that you’re learning all these new words. He even had the audacity to call me a “shit bag bitch”

It’s day 2 of him not contacting me. This freaking hurts and I feel so dumb for caring for a guy like this. He’s doing the silent treatment again and I have severe anxiety. Like what did I do wrong? Why can he go without talking to me? I have this urge to text him and ask why did he tell me that or what I did wrong? I am tempted to text him “we are done” but I know he won’t care

I already blocked him and I’m scared he’ll show up and ask for forgiveness again. I just pray for strength. I’m such a good person and I have tolerated all the times he’s gone silent on me.

Can someone tell me how to distract myself and what to do if he shows up?