Is it okay to distance yourself in your marriage?

Question

We have been married 5 years, I don’t want to divorce him over this so please don’t advise that. The last 6 months or so I feel like I’ve been getting little to no appreciation, my needs aren’t being met sexually or emotionally, and things just feel hollow. I tried talking to him about this, things will be better for a week then go back to normal. We also saw a counselor for a few sessions but we both didn’t feel like it was beneficial. I kind of just want to distance myself from him a bit and see if anything changes. The whole time this has been happening I’ve been trying to still be my usual affectionate, caring, communication positive self, but I feel like it’s getting nowhere. I’m also not trying to play games, but do you feel like it’s wrong in a marriage to just step back, not talk as much, just do my own thing, not really call him or text when he’s gone and such to see what happens?

Answer

Working on yourself and focusing on your mental health isn’t immature. I feel everyone deserves space to think. If you were completely ignoring him and not acknowledging him then that would be a different story. Couples therapy may also help.

Answer

Try a different counselor , sometimes the first one you try is not a good fit . Also both of you should be seen and evaluated for untreated depression or other things like that. That could be contributing. Also it takes work, you sometimes have to fake it til you make it. Both of you need to try and go out of your way to do something for the other or make priority to try something new together etc

Answer

Distancing gives you both the time apart to miss each other more. There’s nothing wrong nor immature about distancing and doing your own things, it’s actually healthy. Smdh to those who says it’s immature.

Answer

I think distance should be defined in order for me to really know what you mean

Answer

Define distancing yourself. If you plan to distance yourself by just not acknowledging/ignoring him then no, that’s not how it should be. Trust me. It will make things worse, not any better. But you can distance yourself by doing your own things, complete your goals & make yourself happy by go to the places that makes you happy, do things that makes you happy, try new things without him and make yourself look absolutely amazing then maybe he will start to notice the changes in you and wonder what’s going on!

Answer

No. You’re in a marriage which means you need to work together to solve your marital issues. Go back to therapy. Therapy is only beneficial is you’re open, honest, and actually do the work. If that therapist was the right one, get another. Distancing yourself creates more marital distance. That isn’t the goal.

Answer

Could it be that you’re so busy focusing on yourself and your own needs that you haven’t stopped to really evaluate what’s going on with him and HIS life? Is he exhausted, stressed, worried, sleep deprived, or in a rut? Is it possible that you made him feel some kind of way and you didn’t even realize that that’s why he was being distant in the first place? 
Marriage is about being selfless a lot of the time and it seems like you’re only focusing on you. 
Nowadays, men’s issues are SO downplayed and god knows men have been trained to stuff their emotions down and never let them show. Your husband is a human being with feelings and needs and desires, just the same as you. If you think he doesn’t seem like himself, as a loving wife it’s time to put a little focus on him and check in on his mental health and make sure he’s okay before you’re so quick to remove love and affection from him all together. It may even take a while to break his walls down and get him to a place that he’s at ease to be open and talk about his feelings. Men aren’t the same as women. I’d suggest truly focusing on him and his needs and being receptive towards whatever he eventually opens up and says before you write it off.

Answer

I think there’s a difference between taking space to work on yourself vs a cold shoulder approach experiment which is more what this sounds like where you’re distancing yourself to see what his reaction will be or somewhat try to manipulate him into behaving how you want.
I’m not saying I envy your situation at all and I’m sorry you’re in it, but I think taking space ends with taking even more space and if divorce is not how you want this to end then, no, I wouldn’t do this.

Answer

I think you should focus more on yourself and being happy apart from him. This is normal tbh. Ask or read about any married couple who been together long term 10, 15, 20 years. Its a dry patch. Its a valley. I say focus more on your personal development and goals. Do u spend time alone, with friends or family, or have hobbies or personal goals youre working on?  
   I also say read and educate yourself. Suzanne venker on youtube gives great advice. And so does michelle marchant johnson channel on communicating with men. Men are from mars women from venus is a good book as well. So is his needs, her needs. Also perhaps look into other councelor…. Some are not as good as others. Keep looking! 
      Also is he stressed or going through on his job? Is he depressed? Is he stuck in a rut? How is he doing emotionally, mentally, physically, financially?

Answer

I don’t think it’s immature at all. It makes me wonder what the end goal is though. It sounds like he’s shown time and time again that he doesn’t care and doesn’t want the same kind of marriage that you want. I wouldn’t be happy or fulfilled if I felt I had to give my husband more space to miss me. You deserve someone who wants the same type of marriage that you do to feel fulfilled in life.

Is it okay to distance yourself in your marriage?

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