Heart broken over my baby loss.

This month my baby was meant to be born. I just turned 45 two days ago. I was wishing I was pregnant. Think I've obsessly done 20 test in the last 5 days. All negative. My soul hurts, I cried my heart out. I can't wish anymore. I just have to except God's plan. But i can't see the trees though the Forrest tho. What ever that means?. Now I just wait til I get my period. Due today or tomorrow. Thinking I stop tracking stop temping stop everything. Just been so consumed I forgotten who I am. If you believe in God. Could you some extra prayers to me. I just at a loss today.