Cry it out or no?

Question

My 3 year old is currently in his bed having a screaming tantrum because I said no to him having candy (skittles) at 11pm but he could have them when he wakes up. Should I continue to let him cry it out or step in? I’m torn.

Accepted Answer

He's three. Let him cry it out. 
Giving in and letting him have it will only lead to him becoming a spoiled brat, and having a tantrum every time he's told no. Boundaries and rules need to be established young.

Answer

Yep I would let him cry it out. 3 is old enough. Explain to him that he needs to have some alone time until he calms down and leave. Explain to him why you said no when he calms down.

Answer

A great option would be to step in, sit down at eye level and console him. Once calm, talk to him. 
“I’m sorry, I upset you. How about after breakfast we sit together and have some candy together. But, tonight it’s just to late. It’s okay to get upset sometimes.”

Answer

My routine if my toddler isn’t accepting no. 
“I know you want to do ____ but we can’t right now. You can do ___ or ___.” in situations where I need her to go be bed, it is usually ‘snuggle with mama, or you can get in your bed.’ Usually she comes to me for a hug and I just explain again that I can see she’s upset and that’s okay but crying isn’t going to change it. By giving her another option (that I’m picking) it makes her think she’s in control and doing what she wants. If she continues to cry I let her and just reinforce that mama is here to help her work through the emotion, but the answer is still no.

Answer

When my kid has a tantrum like that, I stay with him and keep offering to take deep breaths with him to calm down. When he's ready, we breath and hug and talk it out. Sometimes it takes a looooong time but it works for us.

Answer

It really depends on your child. Is he the type who gets more upset when you talk/explain to help him regulate, or is he the type who needs some acknowledgment of his feelings before he can calm?
Also, are you in a place to help him regulate, or are you so worked up that your presence and energy would exacerbate his tantrum?
My personal approach would be to give a firm no, explain why, acknowledge his disappointment, and tell him I need to leave the room for a moment while I calm myself (because I personally get really worked up around tantrums.) “We’re not having candy right now. It’s bed time, you need to sleep to rest your body, and eating candy will keep you awake and hurt your belly. I know you’re disappointed because you really wanted some Skittles. I’m going to go take some deep breaths, and when I come back in, we can take some deep breaths together to get ready for sleep.” Once calm, I’d go back in and say that if he wants help to calm and feel better, I will help him (hug, eye contact, deep breaths) but if he wants to try to calm down on his own I’ll just wait there for him.
This may not work for everyone but I think if you expect that a child is old enough to understand that tantrums aren’t the way to get what you want, then they’re also old enough to understand additional explanations (like why they can’t have candy at bedtime). They’re learning so much at this age!

Answer

Stop. Take a breath. And Relax. It’s the STAR method. For each “No” you offer two “yes’s”. Even though he’s throwing a tantrum- he still feels like his feelings are important. Leaving him alone will probably just cause him to feel less safe creating a new problem. “I don’t get what I want and I also get abandoned.” It’s not a simple fix and takes some time to condition him. I’ve been in child care for years and we always used this for all of the kids. Creating a “safe place” or a corner for him to go to when he’s upset, a small spot for him to sit and wind down is also beneficial if you try this.

Answer

You can sit there and let him cry it out until he calms down enough to be spoken to reasonably. Then explain candy so late is very bad for him, you don't want him to get sick because you love him, have a bit of a cuddle and see if he'll sleep.

Answer

Kids at this age have emotions and they don’t know what to DO with them … so absolutely DON’T give in! You never give in to tantrums or it’s a positive reward, which causes more tantrums. 
But kids need to know you’re not upset with them, it’s ok to have emotions, here’s what we do with them.  
Things to try… “would you like a hug?” “Are you feeling frustrated? Yes! It is so frustrating when we don’t get things we want!” “Take some deep breaths, you need to calm down…” “would you like a glass of water?” I find water is CRAZY helpful, because they have to calm down to drink it — and then yeah, calmly walking away from the temper tantrum if it keeps rolling on. My mother always says a temper tantrum is just no fun when there’s no audience ;) … 
With nine I try to figure out when they need sympathy & guidance vs space, and take it from there. Don’t know if this is helpful but my 2c in case :)

Answer

When he cries just let him know that he can come talk to you when he is ready and stay near him. When he comes to talk to you .. ask him first and let him tell you how he feels .. let him know that you cant understand what he wants when he cries and throws himself on the floor ( state the action he is doing duting tantrum) then tell him why he cannot have candy that time..(dont explain too long or too wordy) remember he is 3 yrs old. Let him know your expectTion from him. Acknowledge his feelings and understand why he acted the way he did. It is important to let your child understand that you understand how he feels .. it is important to stay calm and you need to be consistant with what you are doing suring his tantrum.  Hope this helped.. im a preschool teacher .. this works 8/10 times with my 3-5 yr olds :)

Cry it out or no?

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