I broke up with my ex about 3 months ago. The reason was because wasn’t a good partner. Which sucks, because he’s such a good person. Everything about being with him was amazing. The conversations, the sex, the time spent doing nothing. We were together for almost 4 years.

To elaborate, in November 2020, he moved away without telling me. In fact, he lied about it. 2000 miles away to the other side of the country. He said he didn’t tell me because he thought that I would talk him out of it. And by moving, he expected me to miss him so much that I’d follow. I don’t need to tell you that that is manipulative.

Ive never experienced heartbreak the way I did when I found out that he wasn’t coming back. And that he lied to me about something so important. I couldn’t function. I was so depressed. I still am depressed.

Despite that, I still managed to get into my top choice for grad school. In fact, it’s one of THE top schools in the nation. I submitted my applications around the time he was leaving. If he would’ve asked, I would’ve applied to a school out there.

We tried long distance for a year. I was terribly lonely and became VERY resentful. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. Especially with him.

It was mainly because he just… didn’t listen. I did a lot of work and research about LDR. Talked to a few grad students had similar relationships. They key, visit each other regularly. He never made the effort, and it was always a bad time when I wanted to come. I saw him a total of 8 days last year. He works in sales so he can take off time at his leisure.

Around July, I got seriously injured. I ended up needing emergency surgery and was hospitalized for weeks. I almost died. After, I was supposed to be in bed rest for weeks. I had no one to take care of me, so I took care of myself. Against what my doctor told me. I know that leaving work at a moments notice is very hard. But, with his job and his income. With this being life or death, I would’ve expected… something from him. A visit? If not, a care package. Flowers at the least. He did call me whenever he could, FaceTimed me in the hospital. Still, I needed more.

He didn’t visit me for the holidays. Or my birthday. Or my graduation. He called, tho.

In November , my research position lost funding. For a couple weeks I didn’t have enough money to buy food. His response (unsolicited) “What do you want me to do about it? I’m not an ATM. Go to a foodbank”. This was the moment I decided to end the relationship.

Now. He lost his job. He’s saying that he might have to move back because he can’t afford to live in California. I was just offered a remote intern position based in San Francisco. It’s for human factors engineering, what my masters is in. The internship is 45/hr. If [when] I perform well, the full time position salary starts at 120k. Karma, I think.

Despite everything, I miss him. I want him. I wish things had played out differently. One lie changed the trajectory of everything we had. Throughout all of this, he’s been adamant that he still loves me. That im the only woman for him. That he’d do anything to get back together. He says he wants to spend his life with me.

I’m sad because I believe him, but I don’t trust him.