My husbands career goals don’t make sense

My husband just got out of the military and did not make solid plans for his civilian career beforehand. I didn’t want to push him or pressure him because I have a really good job, and I felt like he needed my financial support, time and space to figure out what he wanted. It was no sweat off my back until he decided he wanted to become a pilot. It sounded like a great idea at first, but things started coming out that are really concerning.

First, he asked me to co-sign for a massive loan for flight school. I told him no because it would disrupt our plans to move and build a home next year to have that line of credit out on both of us. His dad said no because he said my husband has a problem with sticking with things, as did he sister. He wouldn’t speak to me for a solid week because of it.

I finally asked why the GI bill wouldn’t cover it, and he told me that he already used his GI bill on “random community college classes” (never obtained a degree) before we got married. I didn’t know that until this point.

I signed us up for couples therapy as the issue progressed, and it worked. Eventually he apologized for how he acted towards me regarding the loan.

The next thing that came out was that he planned on paying for flight school “as he goes.” Currently, I’m paying for 100% of the household bills, so I asked him how he was going to pay. I suggested he get a full time job of some sort. He said “I refuse to ever have a boss ever again so I’m gonna just drive instacart and grubhub to pay for it.” I don’t understand why he wouldn’t get a job that offers more help towards the household instead, plus make more money, purely because he doesn’t want to have a boss? He’s very stubborn on this

I told him to put our child tax credit towards it and he never thanked me for offering to make that sacrifice. It’s hurtful because there are things I want to do too, like buy a house, send our daughter to private school, finish my MBA, etc. He doesn’t seem to care and when I bring these things up, he tells me I’m selfish and that “you already have your career figured out. You make enough money to buy these things yourself.”

Anyway, I’m supporting the household entirely by myself and he began to stop helping as much with the kids or with cleaning. He comes and go as he pleases, sits at the gym for hours researching planes, goes and does a $30 instacart run, buys weed from the dispensary, and then comes home “angry because paying for flight school is stressing me out since no one will help me.”

Every time I try to offer suggestions for how to go about accomplishing this dream, he gets pissed and says I don’t support him. In therapy he’ll recognize how much support I’m giving him, but if I DARE suggest a savings account or different way to earn money, he tells me “I knew you’d never support me.”

Now I’m REALLY stressed because my brother came over this weekend, and he told my brother that he will never work for a commercial airline and plans on starting his own business as a charter pilot. I chimed in and said “well it might be a really good idea to start flying as a commercial pilot too, so you have more experience and more reputability for clients” and he ignored what I said. He brought it up after my brother left and said “sorry I don’t work in corporate America like you do, but I’m not a sheep. Im EVER having a boss.”

He told me his business plan is to request clients to “front him the money” to rent planes, then fly them to destinations. This doesn’t make any sense to me at all!!

I want to talk to him about this but every time we have any type of conversation about flight school, he gets defensive and mean. I talked to his sister and dad today and they feel exactly the same way. What should I do?