situationship

so i recently just ended things with this guy who i unofficially talked to for a year and a half. to add some context i was super young when i met him and he was 3 years older than me. i met him shortly after my first highschool heartbreak. anyway our relationship was so up and down (pretty toxic). at the start it was more of just seeing eachother because our friend groups would go out, getting drunk etc. just having a good time but there was an obvious connection between the two of us. I had a very “idgaf” attitude and he was still kinda in his “player stage” after his ex had cheated on him. Anyway time went on our friend groups had a falling out so we didn’t see eachother for a while. We would text all the time though and we were in a kind of a denial stage that we liked eachother. We’d go to parties get jealous of eachother but play it cool ; that type of stuff. Eventually it just evolved to where he would pick me up every 1 or 2 weeks and we’d just hang out. Mostly at his house. Mind you i had met his family so it was a kind of weird situation to be in because we weren’t in a relationship at all but we were so close and his family knew me and treated me as his gf. He became very communicative that he really liked me and wanted me to be his gf. A lot of heavy stuff happened with him and i was always the one he would go to first and it just got deep pretty fast. it wasnt just a crush anymore i knew i actually cares about him but that’s what scared me. I knew i liked him but i was always so hesitant. there were also a lot of other factors going on at the time that made the situation even more messy. Important note: i lost my virginity to this guy and he had already had a body count of like 12 so I always felt kinda stupid idk. i ended up sleeping with this other guy in a time period where we weren’t so close (mind u i was very much single). He slept with another girl to get back at me, feelings were hurt, things got messy. Months and months on end of going back and forth why i wouldn’t date him and tbh i could never pinpoint why. i did like him but something was just off. idk if i trusted him, he wasn’t so mature, etc. eventually i had basically told him things aren’t going anywhere i think i either wanna see where we can take this because i do like u, or cut this off. he agreed but nothing ever changed so i just felt stupid for vocalizing my feelings. towards the end of things we started distancing, he didn’t show nearly as much effort which kind of hurt me which is selfish because i never properly reciprocated what he used to express to me before. things were on the outs but i decided to see him one last time to see how things were. (we hadn’t seen eachother in ages and it felt as though i were making the effort which was weird) we ended up just going to his, had sex talked a little whatever. nothing special, honestly just felt like sex. So after that (probably 2 months ago i just cut him off on everything) hadn’t heard from him since, since last weekend i saw him out in a club (i was very drunk) and i think we just very briefly said hello. i guess i just wonder if he’s someone i could’ve had something great with if i wasn’t so concerned about my pride. on the other hand i just had a completely different way of expressing my feelings and he just never understood that. so yeah hope u enjoyed my story, that was a very brief summary of the two of us there is a lot more to unpack but i’d honestly love some second hand opinions/advice anything Xx