TTC after loss

We unexpectedly lost our son at 20 weeks- I delivered him two weeks ago and in the moment I was so proud of myself for giving him the birth I knew he deserved— peaceful, calm, and full of love. We wanted him so badly. My husband and I tried longer the second time than we had to with our daughter (now 2yrs old). I just don’t know if I can go through this again. I don’t know if I can ever enjoy or relax through a pregnancy ever again. I also don’t know if I would ever forgive myself if we didn’t try again…

How do I know what is right? How did you find peace in trying again, or when you did find yourself pregnant again, was there any time you could relax and enjoy ?

TIA. 💜💜