TTC after loss

Al

Ali

We unexpectedly lost our son at 20 weeks- I delivered him two weeks ago and in the moment I was so proud of myself for giving him the birth I knew he deserved— peaceful, calm, and full of love. We wanted him so badly. My husband and I tried longer the second time than we had to with our daughter (now 2yrs old). I just don’t know if I can go through this again. I don’t know if I can ever enjoy or relax through a pregnancy ever again. I also don’t know if I would ever forgive myself if we didn’t try again…

How do I know what is right? How did you find peace in trying again, or when you did find yourself pregnant again, was there any time you could relax and enjoy ?

TIA. 💜💜

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COMMENT (4)

Ke

Posted at
I’d say giving it time helped me. We just took a break from trying after our loss for a few months and I slowly realized I wanted to try again. I really needed time to heal physically and emotionally, I also just wanted to enjoy time with my toddler as I wasn’t myself for months. Best of luck to you! There’s hope, I had my rainbow baby ❤️

Ty

Posted at
We had 4 losses before we had our son. 3 early miscarriages and we lost a son at 21 weeks to a neural tube defect. When we had our angel baby, Ethan, I was determined to never have kids. I couldn’t bare to stand the heartache again (especially since the risk of having another baby with a NTD was higher now). However me wanting children eventually outgrew the fear I felt. We got pregnant 9 months after we lost our first son and that pregnancy was so hard. We had a massive bleed at 16 weeks that resulted in me being on bed rest until viability. Then I was on progesterone suppositories until 32 weeks to keep preterm labor at bay. At 38+5, we delivered our second son, Tucker, and he is a million times worth every ounce of anxiety I felt. We are now pregnant with our third son (and last baby). Again my wanting for another child outgrew my fear of losing another baby. I am currently 20 weeks and we will deliver at 36 via c section due to complete placenta previa but I know it is all worth it. Do you know why you lost your baby? Is there a cause that can potentially be prevented or even something that can help make it less likely? Even if there was absolutely no reason, it’s truly something that you may decide no on right now but change to yes later on. I would give yourself time to heal and let nature handle it for the time being. Only you know what is best for you. I’m praying for you mama. Losing a baby is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

Ki

Posted at
First, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 21 weeks due to incompetence cervix, he was my first pregnancy so trying again was extremely scary. The desire to have children outweighed my fears and about 6 months later I was pregnant again which sadly ended in a miscarriage. I ended up pregnant for a third time before my period after the MC and we weren’t even trying. Because I lost my son, I had to have a cerclage put in and weekly injections to prevent preterm labor. It was an extremely anxiety ridden pregnancy I won’t lie! I never really breathed a sigh of relief until about 24 weeks when I knew my baby could live if god forbid I went into early labor. What helped me through the fear and anxiety was having a very patient partner, a wonderful doctor who was so kind and understanding about my fears, and journaling when my fears became too much. I went on to reliever a healthy and large baby boy and about 17 months later had his little brother! The pregnancies never got easier and I stressed the entire time but having my beautiful boys was worth it all!

H

Posted at
While I don’t have an answer to your question, I just want to say you are amazing, strong and wonder-filled. Your Son is proud of you. You have every right to be terrified of a new pregnancy. Does that fear outweigh inn your gut the feeling that your family isn’t complete? (By regretting not having more) I’m sending you light and love.