My 4 year old has been HARD since the day he was born!?

Megan

long post****

When he was born he was colicky. Had to get on special foods and was gluten free until he was 2. I did not sleep through the night until he was 3. I would rock him for an hour, set him down and repeat the cycle when he woke up immediately after I set him down for YEARS. I eventually started sleeping in a chair with him. When he started walking I’d lock us in the room together and sleep on the floor with him. I did this until he was 3. Now he sleeps pretty well. Once he hit 2 I couldn’t take him anywhere with out a meltdown. This only got worse when he turned 3. I would sweat in the store, trying to control my wailing child who would throw punches and hurt himself on purpose. People I didn’t know would come help me try to contain him. Now I dress light when I take him places because of that. At the doctors he would scream for hours during and after. Still throwing punches, kicking and screaming until he was blue in the face. The only way to keep him from throwing things was to sit on him. Yes, I’ve sat on him a lot. This was recent too. Now we have another baby and he’s been good with him until the last few weeks. He’s biting him, hitting him and trying to make him cry. I’m sure this is fairly normal however. But he was doing good for a few months before this. Note we are back at it. Purposely hurting himself and kicking holes in my wall. And destroying anything he can get his hands on when he’s in time out. We used to spank but quit spanking because we felt like we were constantly spanking him because he never learns. And felt bad. Plus it added to his random bursts of hitting people pets and other kids. So we tried gentle parenting and it’s like he doesn’t hear us. Trying timeouts and he becomes hysterical for hours. Today took him to the park and I tried to talk to him numerous times about throwing sand in other kids faces. He wouldn’t do it, he would stare at me and smile as he gently shoved sand onto their body. And eventually back onto their faces. I would make him repeat after me that he would be nice and stop throwing sand that it’s making them sad and that nobody will want to play with him if he’s mean. He would cry and move on. We did this several times. Until eventually he made a 7 year old run away screaming and the mother scolded my child and told him he was a terrible bad kid and you have terrible parents. So then the other kids started saying to not play with him, he’s mean. However he doesn’t understand. He still tries to play. Eventually I got frustrated and threw sand into his face. He didn’t learn so we left. I’m out of ideas. He tells me he doesn’t love me from time to time and says he doesn’t want to play with me. I try to be patient and nice but also bold. Nothing works. I take something away or stop letting him do something, it doesn’t work. He has a lot of good moments to where he is so good and I tell him how proud I am of him and reward him but it doesn’t last. He is hard. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. My only thoughts is that my husband suffered from severe anxiety from the age of 2 that he would tell his grandparents that he thought he was dying. And still has anxiety to this day. He went to therapy when he was little to figure out what was going on and they pretty much thought it was because his parents abandoned him and left his grandparents to take care of him..And anxiety also runs in my family. I don’t know if it could be related. I love my boy so much. He’s also very affectionate and so lively and fun. Pure boy. So don’t think that this makes me love him any less. I just want better for him. At this rate I’m afraid he will get bullied for being so rough. Because he LOVES other kids. Or maybe obsessed. He doesn’t care about the park. He cares about the kids at the park but they don’t want to play with him cause he can’t play properly. And I’m so over being scolded by other parents. I’m trying my best.

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